Tip-toeing the line...

Raising a tiny human is hard.

Raising three tiny humans is exhausting.

We all want our kids to grow up to be kind, smart, contributing members of society and the job of taking them on that journey is by far the hardest thing I've ever set out to do.

Being a mom is hard. Simply put, it is exhausting. I forgot what having an 15 month old is like. He is still waking up once or twice a night. He still only has the same 6 teeth, but is teething like crazy and is in pain. He always wants to be held and is so often whiny. He is into everything. He'll walk over to a drawer, open it, pull out all the contents and walk away. He fights taking his afternoon nap. It is exhausting. And then, on days like today when he is napping, he is coughing so much that I wonder if he is getting any rest.

I feel like I'm a failure - suppers are simple, if I ever get to make them. I feel like the house is always a mess and sometimes, stepping over the toys, crayons and crushed up Cheerios is easier than cleaning it all up. When that glorious hour of bedtime arrives, Chris and I just crash on the couch and look at each other blankly. Then we glance around at the chaos - pajamas on the floor from that morning, toys scattered as far as the eye can see, random boots, jackets, mittens and whatnot scattered about. I know that I should be making the effort to connect with friends, have couple friends over for supper, etc. but we seem to be running on survival mode lately. "If we just make it to bedtime..." Sigh.

I keep telling myself that it will get easier when Eli is older. But the truth is that I don't think it ever gets easier. It just gets different. Chelsea is older and although she's past the stages of dropping food on the floor, and she can easily dress and undress herself and her clothes often even make it into the hamper, it still isn't easy. I worry about her in school - is she being kind? Are kids being kind to her? What is she doing? And the big one lately - is she being pushed and challenged? Will she continue to enjoy learning? We've had some conversations lately about how she is bored at school and I can't stop thinking about it. I wish I could just jump in and take over and make sure that she isn't bored and that her love for learning continues. I struggle with what to do and how to do it. I am so passionate about early years learning and reading and literacy and my heart honestly hurts when I hear her talking about being bored. Trying to think of ways to fix it is all consuming. I wish I could just be more "it is what it is" about it.

Being a parent is tough. It seems like such a fine line between being a ferociously protective mama bear who wants the very best for her child in everything, and that crazy, overbearing, helicopter mom who wants to send a nanny cam to school in a hair clip. Right now, because I'm tired and stressed and worried, I feel like I'm getting too close to that crazy line.

Again I'll say it - raising tiny humans is hard.

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