me.

I know that this blog has been lacking in substance lately. I've barely had time at the computer with two hands to type. I've written a few really deep, serious, meaningful posts, but chicken out before I post. Someone recently said that my blog is boring now, because it's only stories and pictures about my kids. Well, stop reading then because right now, my life pretty much is my kids.

I've been having a ridiculously hard time self-esteem-wise. I'm embarrassed going out in public again because my belly is still so big. I'm 50 pounds heavier now than when I got pregnant. Breastfeeding does not work wonders for me for losing weight and although I do still follow SBD eating style, I have to be sure I'm not cheating Gavin calorie-wise. So, I'm just putting in time, jogging and working out with Jillian and Bob. Hopefully it'll pay off soon. It definitely does affect my self-esteem though. When my self-esteem is low, I live like a hermit. I like staying home and hiding. This in turn affects my friendships, some of which have already taken a huge hit this past year. For reasons I won't get into, this past year has been horrible on a certain level, and August was the one year anniversary. August is now over, and I'm glad. Hopefully I will move on.

For the most part, I'm loving life right now. I'm in a bit of a cake-lull, as I have none until the 16th. I have two healthy, halarious kids who rock my world on a daily basis. I love being a mom. I have it pretty good. I have a husband who is an AMAZING father and who parents just as much as I do. My only complaint is that my housework sure suffers lately. I don't feel like I ever get to catch up. Gavin and Chelsea rarely sleep at the same time, and I try to use that time to sneak in a workout. When Chelsea is awake, I try to keep her busy. Gavin, with the exception of his morning nap, refuses to sleep in his bassinet, so often when he's napping, I'm holding him. It's hard to clean then. And seriously, I love cooking but I am sooo tired of doing dishes and cleaning the kitchen. So, if you do come over, pardon the mess. It'll be clean again in a few months! (It really isn't that bad, just not as tidy as I'd like it.)

I have more to type, but it's time to sleep. Ahh, blissful sleep.

Frost yourself.

Hard at work making a "cake".

She freaked when she got icing on her finger.

But then she had an idea. I'll let the pictures do the rest of the talking.

The finished product.

Soon.

Very soon.

Inspiration!

I was sent this photo and asked to replicate the top two tiers (only do them level) with no girl and more of the 2nd tier grass.

So I made this!

Fun, isn't it?

Thoughts while I run.

Today, I ran for the first time in about 9 months. I ran for a few months while I was pregnant, and was only recently given the "all clear" to start running again. Although I run with music, I always find my thoughts funny as they wander all over the place as I try to distract myself from running. Some of my thoughts tonight are as follows.

- running when you are fat is hard. The last time I ran, I was probably in the best shape I had ever been in. I felt like a gazelle. Tonight, I felt like an elephant clodding along. I know it will get better, but man it sucks.

- right now, I weigh as much as I did when I first went on the South beach diet. I weigh exactly 50 pounds more than I did when I found out I was pregnant. This sucks and I try not to focus on it. I have a very healthy baby boy.

- the word "badonkadonk" makes me laugh every time. However, tonight when I was running and I felt my bum jiggling along, I kept thinking that if most people have a badonkadonk, mine must be a badonkadonkadonkadonk because it felt like it just kept bouncing around. I seriously thought about this one a lot tonight.

- I need to find a good supportive bra. 'nuff said.

- I wore all black while running tonight. It was dark out. I often complain about people who do just that while I'm driving because they are hard to see. I would have complained about myself.

- It was dark out when I was running. For some reason, I was really freaked out by a tree that I passed. I envisioned someone standing behind it watching me. I was creeped out.

- I hate my white running shoes. I want my black and pink Nike shoes back.

- my cell phone sucks. It shut off three times while I was running.

There were more thoughts, but it's late and I'm tired. Night, all.

Pattycake, pattycake, baker's daughter...

For Grandma Pat...

Before G was born, my mom came out to visit. Because I was roughly the size of a truck, I asked her to help me plant a few flowers in front of the house. She took this and ran with it! We bought a few flowers and I was happy. Then mom came for another visit when G was born, and secretly planted more and more flowers! Now there is an abundance of flowers in my flower beds and I have to keep up with weeding and watering. It's a good thing I have such a good helper!

6 years.

I love you.

Oh, and this was my wedding cake. It was white on white and had our names and our vows written on the tiers. Chris' aunt made it for us.

Schnookems

"Mommy, can I put on your lip stuff please?"

"Sure, sweetie."

"I look pretty, mommy?"

"Sure do!"

(And yes, her hair is out of control.)