Thankfulness.

I know there's so special thing like this passed around in email, but I figured I'd kinda do my own.

I'm thankful for...

- my messy house because I know somewhere under the doghair and dust is a nice house.
- the piles of laundry that need to get done because it means I have a family that wears clean clothes.
- the cupboard doors often being left open, because it reminds me I have a loving, but forgetful, husband.
- the ring around the bathtub because it means we shower.
- my disorganized fridge, because it means it's full of food.
- the toys spread all over the floor because it means my daughter has been happily playing.
- the books tossed carelessly around because I know Chelsea is developing a love of reading.
- my dirty socks in the livingroom because it means I took some time to relax on the couch.
- the dishwasher that needs to be unloaded because it means we enjoyed homecooked food.
- the empty toiletpaper roll still on the holder because it makes me laugh at my husband.
- the fingerprinted window because I have a curious daughter.
- the unmade bed because it means we had a comfortable sleep.
- the busy calendar because it means we have friends who want to see us.
- the dog hair because (this one is a stretch) it means we have a cute, hairy dog.
- the sticky floor under the highchair because it means Chelsea had enough food to eat.
- huge grocery bill because it means we eat healthy.

More for me than for you...

I was thinking the other day about funny things that happened during my labour with Chelsea. I want to write them down to remember them, so this is more for me than for you, but you get to benefit. These are in no particular order.

- I was hungry and didn't want hospital food. Chris went to Dairy Queen. Because they are DQ in Winkler, they messed up our order, but this time, they gave us the wrong bag of food. We only discovered this at the hospital, so we ate it. There was probably enough food to feed a family of 4. Chris just watched in disbelief as I ate 2 double cheeseburgers, large fries, a hot dog and then finished off his burger. I think he was scared.

- When I got to the hospital, they insisted I change into a hospital gown. I HATE hospital gowns. As soon as I could, I changed into my labour "uniform" black shorts and a black t-shirt. I wore this for 2 and a half days before sending it home with my mom to wash and return asap. I seriously made her drive home and back as soon as they were dry. I was particularly attached to wearing these clothes, for some reason.

- Chris had downloaded the entire 3 seasons of Grey's Anatomy to watch while I was being induced. I played it on my laptop while Chris watched movies on his laptop. At one point in time, I had 3 nurses and a doctor watching Grey's with me. I asked if Boundary Trails had as much action going on as Seattle Grace. One nurse answered, "I wish!"

- My parents came out the Friday (I was admitted and began induction on Thursday). They made me walk... a lot. We walked many slow laps around the hospital parking lots. My stepdad kept saying I should run. I think at this point, I may have weighed twice as much as him. All I wanted to do was sit on him.

- Chris made me laugh hard at one point. Then he helped me up out of a chair. We thought I peed on the chair. Turned out, my water had broken.

- On day 3 or 4, I finally asked for the laughing gas. It didn't make me laugh. It just made me slow my breathing down. I'm pretty sure breathing into a pillow would have been just as effective. My husband however, used the laughing gas and started laughing. It made me mad. I think I yelled at him.

- When I finally asked for the epidural, I was bawling. You have to sit at the edge of the bed and kind up curl up so that your spine is sticking out. I was holding onto some nurse's arms as she was crouched in front of me and I looked at her through my tears and said, "This better be the best looking baby I've ever seen. I don't want to go through all this for an ugly baby." Sounds mean, I know. But I had been through a rough few days. Now I find it funny.

- When we got to the hospital, there was a woman labouring without drugs in the room across the hall. After hearing her, I decided drugs would be an okay option.

Okay, I think that's it.

Mr. Clean would be ashamed...

I'm lazy. Tired, and lazy. Not a good combination. I think going back to work is starting to catch up with me. I'm tired. When I get home, I don't want to clean. I want to spend time with Chelsea and then spend time with Chris. I don't want to wash, dry, organize,wipe, sweep, mop, scrub, fold, or tidy. And so, I don't.

My house is a disaster, especially for me. It probably wouldn't look that bad to you, but I'm the girl who used to get up to go pee in the middle of the night and wind up cleaning the bathroom for 45 minutes. My house needed to be spotless. I spent so much time cleaning that I was called obsessed by my friends. Everything needed to be neat.

Now, if I have warning, my house will get cleaned. But, even then, if you value your life, don't open any closets or the pantry - objects have been known to topple down. You might be struck by a kitchen appliance, a box of cereal, a pile of clothes, or who knows what else is hidden away in there. My organizational skills as of late have been lacking. I don't know what it is. I don't know what to blame it on. I'm tired and lazy. I haven't been running or to the gym in a week, and there's absolutely no excuse for that. I said I would go to bed early tonight, and yet, here I sit in bed with the laptop at 11:20. I could be sleeping!

Tomorrow we are skipping church. We were there today from 8:30 - 2:30 for a marriage conference. I want to spend time with Chelsea tomorrow because I feel like I've barely seen her. I, however, also need to clean this house from top to bottom. Having a one year old and cleaning don't seem to go hand-in-hand right now. There's only so many tasks I can do with a little person clinging to my leg.

How do you keep your house clean? Do you have a schedule, or do you just do it as it needs doing?

insanely busy

seriously. so busy. it's driving me bonkers.

i need to clean and organize. when my house is a mess, i am a mess. it's hard for me to cope. right now i'm finding it hard to function because the basement is almost done but my husband has run out of steam... just a little bit more and then i can have a clean house.

i'm working... a lot. unfortunately, most of my working missed the cut off date for being paid, so my check for this month is $245. wow. that's fun.

my baby is doing great with sleeping through the night. i don't get up when she cries and she goes back to sleep in 3-5 minutes. nice

marriage conference tomorrow.

i'm actually working right now but it's silent reading. subbing has it's perks, but i miss having my own classroom and rules.

gotta go.

Sugar pills and Fairy Dust.

Maybe it is psychological, but I'm okay with that. I'm all for placebos, and I do think a lot of being sick is often in our heads. If there is something that you can say, do, or give to me, that although it's a load of hooey, makes me feel better bring it on. Bring on the sugar pills, the magic potions and the fairy dust. If I think it's going to make me better, often, I'll get better. I truly believe that.



With that being said, last night was wonderful, and it wasn't just me - my husband agrees. (No, it's not what you are thinking!) Yesterday, we took off all the dust mite covers off our pillows and mattress and sprayed them down with Norwex's Mattress Cleaner. (I have allergies to dust mites, but so does everyone. If you don't think you do, you are wrong.) Anyways, I sprayed everything down, let it dry, made up the bed all pretty again and we went to sleep. For the first time in forever, my nose wasn't stuffy right after laying down. It wasn't stuffy during the night when I was woken up. It wasn't stuffy at 6:30 this morning when my daughter woke me up for the day. My husband agrees. We like this stuff.



So, does it really make a difference, or do we just think it does? Who cares? If this reduces my Kleenex usuage by even a 1/4, I'm a happy camper.

This and That.

Isn't she just adorable? Yes, I know. She's gorgeous. :)



It has been a very busy two weeks. I've gone back to work about 3 days a week. I wish there was some way for me not to. It's not as bad as I thought it would be, but it is really hard to leave her every morning, knowing that I am missing things that she does during the day. I can't hardly wait until the day is done, and I'm rushing out of the school as soon as the bell rings. The adjustment is hard. My house is a mess. I am exhausted. I feel stressed. I'm so busy. I try to be outside as much as possible and take Chelsea for lots of walks. It'll be okay. It's just an adjustment.

I figure if I include lots of pictures nobody will notice that I really haven't posted about much lately. I have lots to say buy right now it could be summed up by saying:

-Amanda's house is messy.

- Amanda wants more time in every day.

- Amanda wishes she could sleep through the night without hearing C cry.

- Amanda loves running and wishes she had more time to do it.

- Amanda thinks her mom needs to come visit (and organize!)

- Amanda needs to plant a money tree.

- Amanda has some pretty awesome friends.

- Amanda is insanely in love with her daughter and husband.

- Amanda loves nursing her daughter and is sad that soon, that will end.

Anyways, I'm done now. :)

The most incredible year...

One year ago today (almost to the minute) you were born. We were so full of hopes and dreams, and yet oh so scared. We had no idea what to expect. Right from the beginning, you showed your personality. You are such an amazing little girl and every single day I am amazed by how overwhelming my love for you really is. I love how goofy you are and how you love making people smile. You aren't shy - you will go up to anyone.

You walk so well now, and even run sometimes. This makes my life very busy. You love emptying the cupboards and playing in the pantry. You know what bowls and drawers I let you play in and you look right at me with a big grin when you reach for something you know you aren't supposed to have. Although you really don't say many words, you communicate your needs well by pointing and asking, "dat?" and you have a funny way of grunting your way through a conversation. You like mimicing grunting and coughing and fake laughing.

You are an adventurous girl. You love roughhousing and being tossed in the air. You really didn't like your infant swing, but much preferred daddy to swing you higher in your carseat. You love climbing on people and are starting to try to climb on things you know you shouldn't (like toys and the coffee tables.)

You love books. We have books in every room of the house for you. For months now, you will sit down with books and flip the pages for a long time. Your favorite books right now are "The Foot Book" by Dr. Seuss and "Things that Go." You love books that have flaps, so that you can look under each one.

You love playing peekaboo and will play it with anyone and anything. You've played peekaboo with the shower curtain, your soother, and books. You use sign language to say "more". You can play pattycake and you have waved hi and bye for a long time. Your favorite foods are zucchini, asparagus and cheese.

Your newest trick right now is to pull out whatever attempt I use to contain your hair. I can't use pony holders or clips, because you will pull them out right away. Then, you will constantly check to make sure I didn't sneak one back in. This is a tad frustrating because then your hair is in your eyes and covers your beautiful face. I know this is just a phase but I'd really like to do your hair!

You are so sweet. I love every moment of time that I get to spend with you. I look forward to watching you grow and develop into the special little girl that you are. You make me laugh so many times during the day. I often look at you and wonder how we are so blessed to have you.

Chelsea, I don't know what else to say right now. I love you more than the sky has stars. I love you more than the forests have trees. I love you more than I ever thought possible.

Happy Birthday beautiful girl.

Birthday Bash

It's been a while since I've blogged, because I have been so busy. I could write about so many, many things that have happened recently, but I will focus on the major one.

I love birthdays. I seriously do. I think birthdays should be huge. I made a big deal about Chelsea's this year. Chelsea's birthday is tomorrow, but we had her party on Sunday. During the week, I became obsessed with baking Chelsea a cake - a very cool cake. I made a few practice ducks and a lot of practice icing. It turned out pretty good, I think.
I'm now wanting to try baking other types of cakes. I had a lot of fun making this one. Any ideas for cakes I should try next?

And we had a party. A rather large party. I like cooking for people and I made a lot of food. I had fun and I think everyone else did too (or at least, that's what I'm hoping!) There were lots of little kids here, lots of toys, and we had guitar hero and a wii set up in the basement for some of the adults. We also gave C a kitchen with food and plates for her birthday. Some highlights...
Chelsea was also given an AMAZING present from my dear friend Heather. Heather is so creative and made us this for C's birthday.
Yes, we did go overboard for her birthday. What can I say? I just love her to bits.

One Year...

A year ago today was my due date for Chelsea. (She didn't make her appearance until she was forced to, 9 days later) I was so proud to have made it the full 40 weeks. I, however, was a TANK! I don't have a lot of time to write a thoughtful post right now, but I will post this picture.


Enjoy.
(Please note the water weight in my face, arms and feet. Seriously - look at that foot! Oh and yes, my butt did grow proportionately to my belly. Man, I loved being pregnant - even though I looked like that, I loved every minute.)

Running to Freedom!

So last night I went for my first run outside since it snowed. (I hate winter.) I've been running inside on a treadmill at the gym and was doing pretty good, I thought. Last night's run was AMAZING!! I love running outside. love love love love. I like that you make your own wind, so you never get as hot as when you run inside. (Not that I run very fast, mind you, but the air moving past you feels so good.) I ran for over an hour without feeling winded. I'm pretty proud of that. My legs were tired, but I wasn't out of breath, like I normally am. I remember when I started running again last August and my goal was like, "run to the end of the block" or "run twice around the block without stopping." Last night I just ran and ran and ran. Seriously, it felt so freeing.

Speaking of freeing, I need to say this... I am free. Free. Finally, for the first time in my life, food doesn't have a hold on me. I'm not tempted by really anything anymore (except desserts at Gingerwood.mmmm.... strawberry pie.) I'm not the kind of girl who can take two bites of a dessert, so I just avoid them. It hasn't been easy, but I find this diet much easier than any other that I've tried.

Yesterday I weighed myself and realized that I had reached one of my mini-goals. 4 years ago, I stepped on the scale and cried because I weighed closer to 300 than to 100. Yesterday, for the first time in 4 years, I was back in the 100s. Please don't read this and think I'm lazy and just got fat. I am very fit and was always very conscious of what I ate, but the pounds kept sneaking on. With every pound, my self esteem got lower and I didn't like how my personality changed. I was so conscious of my weight and my looks and I felt the rest of the world was too. I became a totally different person. I wasn't outgoing and I actually pulled away and opted to not go out because I didn't have clothes that fit me well.

Now, I want to go out. I'm back! I'm better than ever. I'm so thankful for what has been going on in my life lately. I have an amazing family. I'm so thankful for all of my friends. I'm finally happy to be me.

This doesn't mean there aren't still fat days or bad days. There will always been esteem issues, I'm sure. Sadly, that's just the way our society seems to go these days.

I only talk about this diet with a few people because I know it can be annoying to many to hear someone talk about losing weight. I am sooo thankful for the friends that God has brought into my life right now. I love their support and understanding.

There. I'm done talking about the diet. Now I need to go change the garbage because I can smell a poopy diaper.

Budgeting

Okay, we've severly run out of money this month. We had some unexpected costs, but man oh man, did we blow it. I actually had to dip into my savings to clear us out of a bind. The problem is that I'm "in charge" of finances and I've never really had to budget. My husband never, ever checks to see if there's money (or how much) or never even thinks about paying bills. He just assumes everything is always good.

We took quite the hit with me going on mat leave, but managed to survive. Now, I'm bringing in $0 on mat leave and need to start working again. I think I'm going to also need to get a parttime job waitressing. We just never seem to have enough money.

So my question to you - do you have a monthly budget? How do you keep track of your spending? Anyone have a nice little spreadsheet they'd like to share with me? I'm desperate, and something needs to change (besides our spending habits).

As Chelsea's first birthday approaches, I find myself very reminiscent. I was reading through my old livejournal the other day, and came across my labour story. I'd like to post it here as well. It's long so I apologize.

I went to the doctor on Wednesday, April 11. I was 40 weeks and 5 days pregnant, but everything had been going well. However, that day, my blood pressure (BP) was up and my doctor was concerned. She told me to go to the hospital the next day and we'd do a BP check and a nonstress test (which basically just monitors the baby's heartrate and how often the baby moves). Easy enough. It should have been a half hour appointment at the hospital. I got to the hospital at 9:30 and was still there at 2:00!!

My BP was up and was not coming down and because I was already almost a week overdue, they wanted me to stay at the hospital to be induced. I finally convinced them to let me go home and get my things, tidy up a bit and get my husband. They agreed, but I had to be back and checked in for 4:30. We were going to have that baby! At this time, the baby was still very high up, I was not dilated nor effaced. Basically, my body was showing absolutely NO signs of being ready to go into labour. I was warned this might be a long, drawn out process. I don't think anyone had any idea how bad it was really going to be.

I got my first insert of Cervidil (google if you wish) on Thursday night. It started contractions that were about 4-5 minutes apart. Easy enough that I could continue to watch Grey's Anatomy on my laptop. But, the thing that surprised me was that I was having back labour. The contractions were killing my back, but I couldn't really feel them in my tummy. The shower really helped, but I was going to be having back labour for the rest of my labour. It was terrible!

That night at about 2:00 in the morning the contractions were about 4 minutes apart and getting fairly painful and the nurses convinced me to take a shot of Demerol so I could get some sleep and be ready for Friday - more induction. The thing with Demerol is it doesn't really control the pain, so you still wake up and very much feel the contractions, but you forget them and fall asleep in between each one. You feel higher than a kite (not that I've ever been high, but I'm assuming) and you sleep really well during your 4 minute break. I would have another 2 shots of Demerol during my time at Boundary.

Friday was more of the same with another 2 doses of Cervidil. I won't explain why, but I had a feeling the Friday morning dose had fallen out, but my nurse refused to check 'cause she told me it was virtually impossible. Imagine my frustration, when they check 12 hours later and indeed it had fallen out. A whole 12 hours with no meds causing contractions. This will be known as mistake #1. I don't remember much about Friday. Everything started to blur together. I was having contractions about 3-4 minutes apart that I could breathe through and my parents were out distracting me and keeping us company.

Saturday morning, much more of the same I think. Nothing was really working. I was now 50% effaced and 2 cm dilated. Really, nothing at all had happened. The nurses told me my water had broken, which was exciting, but then the doctor told me it hadn't (when really it had). This shall be known as mistake #2. Saturday night, they decided to give me a break because they would be starting the Oxytocinon or Pitocin drip in the morning. This is a terrible drug that causes intense contractions and I was not looking forward to it. We were told we could order in some pizza and just relax for the evening and get a good night's sleep to prepare for Sunday. WRONG! As soon as the pizza was delivered, I started getting contractions about 2-3 minutes apart that were incredibly intense. I think this is when I told Chris to shut up. :) I was mad because I had been promised a break and now I was in labour without the drugs. Grr. Anyways, I wound up begging for an epidural at around midnight. This was by far the scariest moment of the entire process. You want to put a needle and a tube in my spine? Sure?! Why not! It was good - great actually - for about 3-4 hours. I slept like I've never slept before. Then... mistake #3.

Apparently the doctor who did my epidural wasn't confident doing them. About 4 hours after my epidural, I started feeling the contractions more and more. When they came to do the pain test, they discovered that the epidural had shifted and was now numbing my legs, not my back or belly. This royally sucked because it meant I could no longer walk around, stand in the shower or change positions at all. I couldn't stand up. I couldn't do anything but lay there and endure the contractions. This is when I started using the laughing gas - which, by the way, doesn't make you laugh when you are in labour. So, on and on this went. Sunday morning they started me on the drip and things started to get even more intense. I was crying all day long, then vomiting some, then crying some more. It was ridiculous. By Sunday morning, I was at 5cm by the way. Not too bad, but still a heck of a long ways to go. I don't remember much about Sunday at all. Sunday night, after the worst day of my life, my doctor checked me around 10:00 and told me I was at a 9! (This will be referred to as mistake #4) Woo hoo! I could handle the pain and nausea and all that other fun stuff because it was pain with a purpose. I was almost done.

The nurse then had to check me for something and discovered that I was not at a 9, but a 6. This was confirmed by two other nurses. I was done. How does my doctor get a 9 and a 6 mixed up?!? I was done. I had been in intense labour for almost 24 hours for 1 cm. I said then and there that I was refusing to do anymore and I wanted a c-section. The nurses all pushed for this because no one could figure out why I hadn't had one days ago, but it was never given to me as an option. Minutes later, I was signing papers and being prepped for surgery. I was given a spinal, which numbed me from the shoulders down. It was the weirdest sensation ever, but at this point in time, a welcome relief. After a few minutes in the surgery, we were told we had a beautiful, healthy baby girl with a full head of hair. Now, I'm not saying that this made it all worth it, but at least now I had a baby to show for all my hard work. A baby. Man, oh man, I don't think anything about this labour and delivery went as planned or went well at all. It's ridiculous to think about all the mistakes and complications that happened. I just have to keep focussing on the fact that I have a beautiful baby girl who is healthy.



Wow - I'm so glad I had written that down shortly after I got home. Anyways, I'm sure there will be more posts as I get closer to Chelsea's birthday.