I know that this blog has been lacking in substance lately. I've barely had time at the computer with two hands to type. I've written a few really deep, serious, meaningful posts, but chicken out before I post. Someone recently said that my blog is boring now, because it's only stories and pictures about my kids. Well, stop reading then because right now, my life pretty much is my kids. 
I've been having a ridiculously hard time self-esteem-wise. I'm embarrassed going out in public again because my belly is still so big. I'm 50 pounds heavier now than when I got pregnant. Breastfeeding does not work wonders for me for losing weight and although I do still follow SBD eating style, I have to be sure I'm not cheating Gavin calorie-wise. So, I'm just putting in time, jogging and working out with Jillian and Bob. Hopefully it'll pay off soon. It definitely does affect my self-esteem though. When my self-esteem is low, I live like a hermit. I like staying home and hiding. This in turn affects my friendships, some of which have already taken a huge hit this past year. For reasons I won't get into, this past year has been horrible on a certain level, and August was the one year anniversary. August is now over, and I'm glad. Hopefully I will move on.
For the most part, I'm loving life right now. I'm in a bit of a cake-lull, as I have none until the 16th. I have two healthy, halarious kids who rock my world on a daily basis. I love being a mom. I have it pretty good. I have a husband who is an AMAZING father and who parents just as much as I do. My only complaint is that my housework sure suffers lately. I don't feel like I ever get to catch up. Gavin and Chelsea rarely sleep at the same time, and I try to use that time to sneak in a workout. When Chelsea is awake, I try to keep her busy. Gavin, with the exception of his morning nap, refuses to sleep in his bassinet, so often when he's napping, I'm holding him. It's hard to clean then. And seriously, I love cooking but I am sooo tired of doing dishes and cleaning the kitchen. So, if you do come over, pardon the mess. It'll be clean again in a few months! (It really isn't that bad, just not as tidy as I'd like it.)
I have more to type, but it's time to sleep. Ahh, blissful sleep.
Self esteem can really suck. I'm sorry to hear you're having issues with that.
ReplyDeleteIf you ever want to talk, I'm here for you.
Amanda,
ReplyDeleteYou are a beautiful woman no matter what size you are. One day at a time! Breastfeeding/pumping did not melt the weight away for me either and I actually have heard that after an initial drop it often does not for people because your body is trying to store weight for the baby.
I admire you. I really want to have another one sooner than later but I am not sure how one can survive with them so close in age. As long as you have healthy kids the rest does not matter. I struggled for many months feeling crappy because I thought since I was staying home I should be able to keep a spotless house but then I decided that my job is not to have a perfect house but to care for my precious little man the best that I can and to get enough rest that I can do that. The rest will work out.
I really miss that we don't live semi close anymore. It's hard when things change with friends, but new ones will come or the old ones will rebound often in a different way.
Great work with the exercise and SB. See you all soon. We are deciding just how long we are going to come because so much still needs done with the house but we are FOR SURE going to see you guys!
I love your posts about your kids, keep 'em coming! I think your blog is very interesting now and always.
ReplyDeleteMy friendships are suffering too as I am too busy to do the job I should keeping up with them. I hope they understand and are still my friends when the kiddies are a bit older. I'm kinda tied to the house now cos if I do too much my milk supply is affected.
I so feel for you on the self esteem issue. I hate how those supermodel standards make most women feel bad. You are still one hot momma, and the weight will come off eventually. You did it before (so inspirational!) and can do it again. Until then you are giving your son the most wonderful gift!
****
Cleaning and Scrubbing can wait till tomorrow
For babies grow up, we've learned to our sorrow
so quiet down cobwebs, dust go to sleep....
I'm rocking my baby and babies don't keep!
All I can say is... I know EXACTLY how you feel... I have been a hermit for the last year.... I hide behind my camera.
ReplyDeleteI hear you on the weight thing. I would like nothing more for me to be at least 30lbs lighter. I'm constantly on the go chasing after 3 kids cooking cleaning yet... I feel it's never ending. for the past couple years I wanted to get a hold of that poem that the above commenter wrote [eg, Julia] All I can say THANKYOU!! THANKYOU!! for posting that!!! I never could get it straight now I'll be able to memorize it and put it on a plaque. I've heard it years ago when I was a little girl and no one seems to memorize it completely. The last 2 sentences stick out in my memory from childhood. Ok I'm blabbering now. But it's so nice to get a glimpse back to my childhood days and even more gooder is that there is someone out there right now who feels exactly like I do right now feeling like a hermit and wanting to hide with all the weight gain. But yes I do understand and it will get better. We need to get out and enjoy the sunshine with our precious children.
ReplyDeleteAlso always think to yourself I MAKE AWESOME CAKES!! I"M A COOL MOMMY!! I love your cakes and you do make awesome cakes!! Keep em coming!
i don't understand how someone can say your blog is boring because it only has kids stuff... since when are kids ever boring!?!?!!!
ReplyDelete