Mother Guilt

You know, as a mother, we can be made to so easily feel guilty. There are no easy answers. No gigantic book of parenting that will provide the exact answer to each new dilemma we face every day.

It starts the instant the child is born. Wait! Scratch that. In reality it starts the moment they are conceived. People start giving you advice on what you should eat, how much you should eat, what kind of vitamins you should take, how much rest you should be getting, how you should be exercising, how you shouldn't mowing grass or shovelling snow, how you shouldn't carry your other children because they are too heavy... the list is endless. (Did you know you shouldn't lift your arms above your head? ;) Throw in some criticism for choosing (or not choosing) a midwife versus a doctor and sprinkle it generously with opinions of your weight gain. Too much, too little? OH MAN! IS IT TWINS??

Then the day comes when you reach that glorious 40 weeks! The baby is fully cooked. Hospital birth? Home birth? C-section? Natural labour? Induction? Ooh and then the D word. Are you going to take drugs? Epidural? Laughing gas? And then - breastfeeding or formula feeding? Cloth diapers? And you haven't even held your baby!

Then somehow, some way, you wind up with this perfect little person in your arms. As you are admiring this little miracle, you freeze. OH MAN! IS THAT MY MOM'S NOSE?

Now, you have this stranger in your house that you have to figure out. You are overwhelmed with a million questions and with every answer, the guilt has opportunity to pile on. How do we get our kids to sleep through the night? Should we use bumper pads? Co-sleeping? Do we use a soother? How do we get rid of soothers? When should I introduce solids? Should I buy baby food? Make baby food? How old should my child be to potty train?

Don't worry though. You aren't alone in making any of these choices. Every single person that you meet will have an opinion that they will generously offer to you. Each and every single person will be kind enough to tell you what they did, how they did it and why it was the right way, just in case you weren't feeling inadequate enough.

And this is what leads me to write this blog post. Now, I'm to the point of child-rearing where I have an almost 4 year old, who has turned out pretty okay, and a 19 month old. I've written about this before, somewhere, this mama-guilt, but yesterday I was pretty consumed with it again.

You see, my sweet, amazing, smart, cute, happy 19 month old doesn't speak. He babbles and says sounds like ma, da, ba, na, etc. He calls me Ma, in a deep voice resembling a 40 year old man, and Chris is Da. A few months ago though, he was saying "mama" and "dada" clear as a bell. Now, I am not worried that there is something developmentally wrong with m'boy. He understand what I say and follows directions. He runs, plays, jumps, stacks toys, sorts toys, etc. He plays well with other kids and is such a great kid. But according to the doctor, he should be speaking. GUILT. The concern is that he might not be able to hear.

Sigh. Really? Hearing again? Oh mama with your bad ears. Can we just pick the genes we pass on? Now, I'm fairly sure that his hearing is fine, but I would kick myself for not getting it checked out, just on the off chance that his apparently lack of hearing is causing speech delays. I just feel like this boy got some bad genetics somehow. Add onto that his need for surgery in March, and I just felt a little defeated yesterday.

Can't we pick something that we can blame on daddy, just this once? "I'm sorry Mrs. Hildebrand, but your son is simply too tall to hear what is being said." Yeah, much better.