- Being at home a lot this summer has messed up my priorities. I was kind of feeling stuck and trapped, and was spending even more time on Facebook as my way out. I hate looking back and thinking of times when I told Chelsea to wait "just a second" because I was on the computer or my phone. I read this on someone's blog today, "Facebook was a time waste for me, and reading the news feed was toxic to my thoughts." AMEN. I find that right now, when my self esteem is at it's lowest and I'm already dealing with thoughts of inadequacy, Facebook just made me feel even lower. My kids watch tv, my daughter plays wii, my son plays Nintendo, I don't do tons of fun crafts, I haven't canned anything EVER, I rarely bake, my son drinks juice, I don't get to go on tons of super fun dates with my husband, I am not a Starbucks/Jonny's addict, I'm not exercising... I was just constantly comparing myself and my life to others and felt like a failure. It's nothing that they were doing, but it's where I'm at. So I went through and hid A LOT of people on my newsfeed. Now it's just a few close friends that show up, so this will hopefully help me and limit the amount of time I waste on there!
- This week has been a hard one for me. I'm struggling because I don't have a family doctor anymore and I realized that between his one month and 6 week checkup, Eli only gained 6 oz. That is not enough. The doctor never said anything and I didn't bring it up because I only realized it when I got home. I'm pretty sure it's because during the day when I'm home alone, Eli's feedings are quick and/or interrupted because of the other two children. I'm pretty sure this boy has learned to be content with short feedings. He'd also rather sleep than work at nursing and I was so busy and distracted that I guess I wasn't paying proper attention. This week, I spent a lot more time quietly nursing him, one side only each feed, so that he would get the good, fatty, hind milk. He's gone from getting up 2-3 times a night to once, so I'm hoping things are going better. I'm taking him in to be weighed tomorrow so I'm hoping for a big number so that my mama guilt can decrease. Plus, I want a chubby babe. ;)
- I am also really starting to make an effort again to reconnect and stay connected with friends. We are all so busy that sometimes it's difficult to make time, but it's so important. Honestly, most nights (and heck, all day long), I'd rather stay in my house in my comfy clothes and my undone hair and makeup then get all done up to go out, but I miss feeling loved and connected. I want to have more tea dates and time with friends, and so I have to start reaching out more. I struggle with feeling like I'm always doing the inviting, but I just have to let it go. I want to surround myself with good people.
- I want to hug more. Hugs are awesome.
- I need to relax and breathe more. Savour the moments. I used the phrase "I see you and I hear you" to Chelsea a few times this week. I want her to know that she is so important and valued. Lately we haven't been getting along the greatest and I know it's my fault. I'm always striving to be a better mom. I've only got one chance and I want to do it right.
- Because Chris was home today, I was able to take a few hours just to enjoy Eli. He is growing up so fast and it seems I rarely get the time to really enjoy him. Today with him was a gift. He's going through a growth spurt (and finally getting some good milk I guess) and so all he does is eat and sleep. Today I took the time to study all his amazing features and absorb his baby smell. I love smelling the top of his head and the crook of his neck. Mmm babyloves.
So this week, I challenge you. Stop. Enjoy. Cherish. And reach out to a friend. Invite them for tea. Make them feel loved. It really is a lovely thing.
Hey Amanda, just wanted to let you know that I did the same thing on Facebook this week, it's too bad that other people's achievements can make us feel inadequate : S. you're a great mom - I thought it was so cute the way Gavin said he would miss you when he went for his nap ( when I came to look at clothes) :)
ReplyDeleteThanks Holly. I think he's pretty sweet.
DeleteIt must be something in the air. I was off Facebook most of the work week last week. I think I will go back to that.
ReplyDeleteI just wanted to say not to worry too much about the baby gaining weight....all babies are different. Caleb was a chubs and slept through the night very fast. Maddie has always been very thin. I nursed her around the clock and she has never gained. The doctor got so concerned that when I went back to work he suggested weaning her. She still only drinks 4oz at a time and gets up sometimes in the middle of the night. All babies are just different! All that to say, don't stress too much.
It is always good to focus on your priorities though.
I know babies are different, but it was so weird for mine not to gain weight. It's hard not to compare after Gavin, the tank. I'm proud to announce that Eli clocked in at a whopping 9 oz heavier this week. Atta boy!
DeleteAmanda, you are a great, wonderful person and mother!!! I love reading your blogs and reading everything you do with your children/family. I will come out and say it.. i kinda look as you as my role model.. i wish some day i could be just like you.. actually to be more honest, i think i have felt that ever since i was a little kid... anyone would love to have you as a Mommy! Chin up!
ReplyDeleteAww Thanks Ashley. That's a great compliment!
DeleteWow great post Amanda! So encouraging!
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