I'm in bed and thoughts are just swirling around, so I thought I'd post. Maybe releasing these thoughts will allow me to sleep. This post will be fairly random, that's for sure.
I am really mad at my ear. Nothing seems to be working, and the hearing still hasn't returned. This proves irritating throughout the day as I constantly have to make sure I'm standing to the right of someone to hear them. I need to bend over and cup my ear to hear some of my little grade ones speak. I constantly hear the wrong thing and then make a butt of myself when I answer someone completely different than what they asked. I told my step-dad that I'm pretty much making up about 30% of what I hear... I am also pretty sure that I'm appearing snobby to people because I either don't answer them, or leave the room to be alone. The issue is that I'm having a really hard time blocking out irrelevant background noise and I really have to concentrate to hear someone speaking. This means that in restaurants or rooms with lots of background noises, I can't hear anything besides the background. It's like my brain's filter has shut off, so I just leave to give myself a break.
An example of this was at a family gathering we had in my inlaws garage on Sunday. We were all sitting around with lawnchairs, eating some food and talking. Well the echoing was so loud to me that I couldn't hear when people were speaking and I was just getting exhausted (and embarrassed) having to ask people to repeat themselves 2 or 3 times. We left after just 2 hours, but that was fine by me.
Sometimes, people just rub me the wrong way and then I can't get past it. A few of those people were at the gathering on Sunday. There were so many times I wanted to respond to some dumb comments, but I sat there like a good little woman, and didn't say anything... until now.
Okay, so I was telling my mother-in-law the story about Chelsea how she had brought me her shoes and I told her that she needed socks if she wanted to wear shoes, so Chelsea went into her room, grabbed her tub with socks in it, and brought it out to me in the kitchen, proud as could be. It was a cute story! I ended it with, "Babies are a lot smarter than we give them credit for, I think."
Well, Aunt #1, pipes up, "Yeah, my daughter was the smartest baby ever too, when she was little."
I said, "Pardon me?"
She laughs and says, "You're just bragging that your daughter is the smartest baby ever and I'm just telling you that all moms think that. My daughter was the smartest ever, too."
Okay, listen up. I did NOT say Chelsea was the smartest ever. In fact, I EVEN said "ALL BABIES" are smarter than we give them credit for.
Secondly, I was talking to Chelsea's grandma, telling her a cute story. Mind your own beeswax!
Gah. There. I feel better. There were more stories too, but we left after that because my head was going to explode.
I've decided I'll have the surgery, if they think it'll work. This will be time #6, doing the same surgery but maybe I'll be able to hear again for a while. I've also decided I will get a hearing aid if it will help. I'm past all the selfconscious, high school attitude of "what will people think?" and have moved onto the "hearing what people will say" kind of mentality.
The saddest part about my ears is that because of all the meds I'm on, I've had to start really weaning Chelsea. I've only nursed her 2 times in the past 5 days, and that was more to make myself more comfortable. Nursing means sooo much to me and I'm having a really hard time emotionally accepting the fact that my baby is no longer my baby. She's almost 14 months already... not much of a baby anymore! I love her so much - it's impossible to describe. When I pick her up, I am constantly squeezing and kissing and hugging her until she goes to bed. I'm sure it annoys her but I just can't get enough of her lately.
Her latest trick is shaking her head no. It really helps to figure out what she wants. Snack? no. Sippy? no. Bath? no. Night, night? (no head shaking) yes?? Woo hoo! We go to bed - she's a happy girl. I love it.
and I realize she's not the smartest baby ever, but she's the smartest baby I have!
Good luck with the surgery. I think it is the right decision... if there's something that could work, you've got to try it. As for hearing aids, they're so unnoticable nowadays - you'll probably be more aware of it than anyone else.
ReplyDeleteIce packs on the boobs. Ibuprofen. And at least for me, I didn't stop getting engorged until I stopped nursing Joey completely. I tried just doing it every few days, very briefly - to relieve the pressure... but it always came back. Even pumping makes your body make more milk. Sigh. I know it's tough. :( It's such a mommy-baby bond. It sounds like she's okay with the weaning, so you need to take that cue.. One of the first of many things she won't need you for. :/
As for annoying comments from people - I hear ya. If it makes you feel any better, they don't irritate you as much with your second child... ;)
Sounds like you have been having a tough time lately.
ReplyDeleteIt sure is good to be past the needing to be cool stage and rather be sensible, isn't it?
I have four children and people still butt their nose in. Back when Celena was around your daughters' age and I was at the clinic with my three children an older woman pipes up out of no where and tells me I need to discipline Celena more because if I don't she will be bossing her older siblings around in no time. Who asked her opinion?
And, as for nursing - I feel for you. Been there, done that. Everyone who has nursed for up to a year knows what a bond it creates between mother and child.
Praying for you.
ReplyDeleteIt is hard to believe its already been 14 months! We still have her birth announcement on our fridge lol.
sorry, can't relate with the weaning. But I will say this about the hearing aid: the only person I ever 'noticed' a hearing aid on (as in, I kept noticing it after the first time) was someone who had an OBVIOUS 'I need to keep my hearing aid covered' haircut. Besides, you work with kids. Or cakes. Cakes won't notice. Kids will march up to you and demand to know why you have that thing in your ear, and you'll say, "it helps me hear" and respond 'Oh' and then run away to play tag or something and that will be the end of that.
ReplyDeleteOn a different track entirely: I can't get over how amazing your cakes are!!!!