perfect little ol' me. hahhahaaha

So here's the thing. I think I've got it all figured out now.


I'm a perfectionist. I always strive to be the best, do the best, etc. I'm sure it comes from being a middle child, sandwiched in between an older sister and a younger brother who was very sick when he was born. I'm an attention-seeker, and that makes me loud. In school, I was a teacher's pet, and I'm embarrassed to say that this continued on through my university years. I always got very good grades (with the exception of my first Biology exam in university) and I had high expectations of myself.


This whole perfectionist thing is why I'm struggling now. (I am always afraid to bare this on my blog because I'm afraid of offending someone or having someone judge me, but over the past few months I've begun to come into myself. This is who I am - take it or leave it, but I'm not changing to please anyone anymore.)

Anyways, here's the thing. Since May, I've lost 24 pounds. No tricks or gimmicks, no easy button, just a lot of watching everything I ate and working out and running A LOT. I realize 24 pounds sounds like a lot, but when you remember that I gained 70 during my pregnancy with G, I've got a lot to lose. Anyways, I tracked what I ate and ran all the time. I'm really good when I'm losing weight. Nothing tempts me.

Nothing except mini donuts.

Sigh.

And here's where the perfectionist part comes in. I cheated and ate mini donuts and dang they were good. Now I give amazing credit to those of you who can eat a little of something and it doesn't affect your diet. Those "100 cal snack pack" kind of girls. Those "just a few bites of a dessert are all I need" kind of girls. Those "let's have fries tonight" kinds.

I. am. not. that. girl.

Just puttin' that out there. I am a black or white kind of dieter. It is MUCH easier for me to say no, then to say yes a few times.

Once I cheat even a little, my whole day feels ruined. I figure, "Well, I cheated so today's a write off" even if it was only a few mini donuts, or whatever. So that night for supper, because I've already cheated, I'll cheat again. and again. and... well you get the picture. One little slip becomes a ridiculous slippery slope. If I'm not perfect, I figure, why bother?

Soooo.... this is embarrassing to admit, after the mini donut day, I was like, "Well, we're going on vacation soon and I know I'll be cheating then, so there's no point in watching what I eat now."

I know. It's ridiculous. But anyways, so for a week before we went on vacation and then while we were on vacation, I ate whatever. Nachos, white bread, bacon, eggs, ice cream, funnel cakes, oh and I did indulge in some fancy drinks too.

So, now I have to proudly say that since May, I've only lost 16 pounds. Sigh.

But, the good news is, I'm back on track. Food journal - check! Running and working out - check! Lots of water - check! No more diet pop - check!

I am really looking for an accountability person. Someone who wants to keep me in check a few times a week. Someone who'll look at my food journal and see what I'm doing for exercise. Just someone to make sure I am doing it. I need that. I need to know that I'm being evaluated.

Hey, I've proved many times in my life that all I want is an A+. I'm just looking for someone to give me a good grade. Anyone?