Eli Overload, with a capital O.

 I'd like to apologize for the picture overload that's about to occur. Some of these photos date back to October but I've so neglected this blog that it's needed. Now, in my defense, most of these pictures are on Instagram, so if you haven't added me, you really should.

Anyways, poor third child syndrome. I sometimes remember to take pictures of him, especially if he's doing something ridiculously outlandish or cute, which is pretty much all the time. He's so stinkin' adorable. It saves him, really. I mean, c'mon...

He is such a stinker. Here, he grabbed the proper tiny screwdriver from the drawer and was attempting to change the batteries in this car.

 And here, he climbed into the chest of extra bedding and just was looking adorable.

 Ooh or this? This is typical bath time.

 Here, he is working hard writing a story. Gavin was writing out all the words he knows, because well, my kids are crazy like that, and Eli did not want to be left out.

 And FINALLY, I have one child who likes cleaning and tidying and doing chores like emptying the dishwasher. Don't tell your siblings dear, but if you keep this up, you will be my favourite.

And just when I think he might be in the running for Favorite Hildebrand, he is constantly doing weird, random stuff like this. Allow me to explain that here, he has assembled all of the pieces of the blender and then filled it with potatoes from the pantry. "Why?" you ask. "Why not?" is Eli's attitude! 

 This melts me to the core. I don't often get to read nap time stories any more. Gavin has taken over and Eli loves it. I still get bedtime ones though so I'm doing just fine.

He loves recycling day. Most days, I stop before I set him on the curb. 

 Most days. ;)

 Wrestling, body-slamming, and general physical contact are things he enjoys in his spare time, especially if it involves the older two.

 Although he does manage to relax in his time off.

 He is passionate and does all things to the best of his ability.

 And he loves to cuddle.

 Play dough is a favourite pastime. Here he is pretending to drink the milkshake I made.

 Remember how I said he does all things to the best of his ability? C'mon! Look at that slurp!

And that catches us up to December... I think anyways. Love this guy so much it hurts some days. He is a ray of sunshine, a ball of trouble, and a perfect fit into our crazy family.

Perspective

 Lately, I've been pretty swamped with life in general. I could go on and list things like my kids, my job, my husband, etc, but we all have our own lists and they are all equally important and  pressing and overwhelming.

And here's what we do... we post pictures of our day. We all do it. Here. I could post this one right now.

I'd call it, "Mmm... coffee in bed." It'd probably get a few likes as we all love coffee, right? Such a good start to our busy days.

Let's zoom out a little, shall we?

Little less coffee in that cup, and a slight hint of chaos in the background. Sure. Seems reasonable. Most people would still focus on that glorious cup of java, and not give it another thought. Like!

But let's zoom out even farther, shall we?

Oooh, there it is. There's the real world. Take a long look. Take it in...

Yup, there's a cup of coffee, warmed twice with too much cream just to act as my "treat" to get me through the day. 

There's the obvious pile of Mount Laundry, always waiting to be folded. We all have that, right? Staring at you, waiting, waiting, and waiting... I'm really good at washing and drying. Folding, nah? 

The unmade bed with the uncoordinated bedding, well nothing really changes there. We don't make our bed, ever. And I'm just simply too in love with my blankets, the perfect weight and warmth, to try to have coordinating bedsheets, duvets, etc. Plus, I'm cheap. I would need to win a bunch of money to spend money on a matching bed. 

Oh and the favourite jeans on the bed. Sometimes, they are my favourite because they are the only ones that do up. Sometimes they are my favourite because I only own one pair. Sometimes they are my favourite because I don't like pants, so they sit nicely on my bed, while I dance around the house in shorts.

But you don't see any of that in my picture. Nope. You see a nice, creamy cup of coffee and you think to yourself, "Oh Amanda. She's so together. She's got a job, a husband, three kids, a house, a dog... and yet she still takes time to sit and enjoy a cup of coffee in bed." Why do we do it? Why do we pretend that life is all roses, when sometimes it's more just a big bushel of thorns with the odd flower peeking through?

This resonates with me. 

 Cheers to doing it every day. Finding the moments of sanity that keep us going.

YOU are enough, coffee in hand, chaos around.

Umm... yikes!

The look on my face when I realize that even after deleting hundreds of pictures, I still have 1100 from our trip...

The perils of nonpareils

I learned something last week. These things? 

Sure, you might know them as "sprinkles" - innocent little balls of sugar that bring joy to masses of children around the world. Cake decorators call them "nonpareils" kind of in the same way all the cool kids call the zigzag pattern "chevron". Sprinkles, nonpareils, and outside of North America, they are called, "hundreds and thousands". (Thanks Wikipedia.) 

Wikipedia states, "Their origin is uncertain, but they may have evolved out of the pharmaceutical use of sugar, as they were a miniature version of comfits."

I beg to differ. I am fairly certain and would almost bet money on the fact that they may have evolved over time from an ancient device designed to torture prisoners. 

You see, although they are cute, tiny, sweet and crunchy, little tiny balls of joy, they are also hard, impenetrable, unyielding pellets that when dumped upon the floor by your youngest child, will scatter and spread across the floor and fill every crevice, real and imaginary, in your ENTIRE HOUSE. (Here's where the "hundreds and thousands" name loses its irony and becomes very real.)

Sure, you can pull out the central vac because you realize that it would be pointless to try and sweep them up. After all, they are teeny tiny little balls. It wouldn't make sense to try to brush them all in the same direction. C'mon, you are smarter than that.

However, what you might not realize is that vacuum cleaners also blow out air, so when you try to get the nozzle close enough, these tiny balls spread even farther. Sure, you might suck up 80% of them, but the other 20% have instantly taken up residence all over your house, laughing with glee that they've escaped every effort to be cleaned up.

So back to the torture part... you might think I'm referring to the torture of being unable to clean these up. Gasp! The horror of having an unclean house might eat away at some of you.

Not to worry - that ship has long sailed over here in this household. I'm perfectly at peace with the fact that my house won't be clean, EVER AGAIN. I made peace with that fact sometime in 2007 when my first child was born. Since then, another two children have joined forces with her, the dust bunnies, and the weird sticky goo that lives under my stove to form a little, mini, messy army whose sole purpose is to wreak havoc in every room of the house. I waved the white flag at the idea of having a clean house years ago.

The torture part is that I go barefoot, all the time. 24/7. As soon as I walk in the door, I take off my shoes and socks. The 8 random black socks in my entranceway will stand as evidence to this fact. (Make that 7 socks, because we all know that one of them always disappears.) When you are walking barefoot and you step on one of the above mentioned "sprinkles" it always manages to hit the nerve ending that is connected directly to some central pain centre and it feels like you are walking on shards of glass. Shrapnel from the little, mini, messy army perhaps? Who knows?! All I know is that for days now, I'll bounce happily down my carpeted stairs and suddenly stop at the bottom step and beginning scanning the floor in a panic.

It's a tough call - do I get my hopes up that today will be the day that my tender toes don't step on a teeny ball of happiness, or do I simply put on my slippers and let the little buggers win again, but cry inside that I can't go barefoot?

See what I mean?

Sprinkles = Torture.

A monkey, butterfly and skeleton.

Pumpkin carving was a hit - well, with two out of the three kids. 

Eli and I took pumpkin carving to a new level. The drill was so great for him. 

Gavin wanted nothing to do with the pumpkin carving for the most part, but then dictated his requests to Chris, so he did wind up with a very mathematically shaped pumpkin.

Chelsea did a cat pumpkin all on her own.

Eli was super pumped about his project, but note to self - this pumpkin did not last nearly as long as the others. It was shrivelled and moldy and collapsed days before Halloween (but still not as bad as last year!)

Pumpkin carving and scooping guts? No thank you, says this little man.

And of course, we had fun with costumes this year. The cutest little monkey you ever did see.

A giant rainbow butterfly.

And a glow in the dark skeleton.

We had so much fun this year. We were only out for about an hour, and then the kids wanted to come home and hand out candy. Fine by me - it was cold out there!

Teaching Kindergarten

A few weeks ago, I was sitting with a few moms chatting about something and one mom said, "I could never be a teacher. Imagine trying to pretend all day long that you love someone else's kids. I couldn't do it."

Let me just say that this is so not me. As cheesy as it sounds, I just love kids. I fall in love with them quickly. And kids in Kindergarten are proving to be the best so far. I just love my class.

Now, there are many reasons that teaching Kindergarten can be challenging and exhausting, but there are so many reasons why it is hilarious and uplifting too.

First of all, you can never have low self esteem when you are a K teacher. They are constantly complimenting you. I hear the following at least 5 times a day. "Mrs. Hildebrand, I like your ________." Really, insert any word here. Clothes, dress, shoes, hair, toes, fingers, eyes. You really do start to think you are amazing and beautiful after a few days of these compliments.

And then you get one of these:
"Mrs. Hillaban, I like your hair. I like when you try."

Ummm... pardon me? "What do you mean, dear sweet child?"

"Well, somedays, you just wear your hair down like you just got out of bed. I like when you try to do something with it, like a ponytail."

Ahem. I'll have you know, it takes me about 45 minutes of prep time to wear my hair down. I do not simply roll out of bed and have amazingly curled hair. But I'm so glad you like when I "try" by throwing my hair up in a ponytail.

Oooh... or how about this story?
One day I was wearing a dress and a boy was standing by me rubbing the side of my leg with his hand. Because kinder kids are very tactile and basically like feeling things, I didn't think much of it. Suddenly he stops moving his hand, looks up at me, and asks, "Mrs. Hildebrand, are you not wearing any underwear?"

Again, AHEM. Let me state a few obvious points, but first I will again say, he was rubbing my LEG. First off, yes, I am wearing underwear. I do that every single day. Secondly, you are rubbing my leg. My LEG. Even if I was wearing the largest pair I could possibly own, he would not have felt them on the side of my leg. Thirdly, I am teaching kindergarten in a dress. 9 times out of 10, I'm wearing long tights under my dress just to be sure I can get down on their level. I'm not about to add excitement into my day by skipping my skivvies, young man.

Although I had so many responses running through my head, I simply looked down, removed his hand, and said, "I absolutely am."

This year is shaping up to be the most interesting teaching year I've had in a long time.

Walking Thesaurus

Gavin - "Mommy - I like your gorgeous gown you have on today."

Me - "Hmmm do you mean my pretty dress, Gavin?"

Gavin - "Well, pretty and gorgeous are the same. Dress and gown are the same. So you are wearing a gorgeous gown."

Me - "Well, it's not the prom, but thanks, Buddy."

Just a glimpse into the daily conversations with this guy.

First day of school

Remember, way back like a month and a half ago, there was a first day of school? Yeah, I really don't either. However, I did take pictures, my kids did have a great day, and we are now all settled into routine. Grade 2 for this beauty! When did that happen?

And this guy - he was slightly excited.

It was a bit of a rough start for this guy, who decided on the 2nd day of school to just come home... at 9:00 a.m. Thank God for the angels around him and for the sweet gem of a friend who found him running away from school and contacted me. Hopefully those days are behind us and it's smooth sailing from now on.

Silhouette

I've had this amazing canvas on my wall for three years. It's beautiful and I love all that it represents. When I was pregnant with Eli, I mentioned to Chris that I was sad that we'd have to take it down because it didn't have our whole family.

Then I begged my amazing photographer friend to replicate the photo now that our family is complete. I was so worried that we wouldn't get "the shot."

I shouldn't have worried.

The chapter ends...

This summer I had to make a difficult decision. I was torn with what to do. I've been a small business owner for almost 4 years, and although we were still making money, I don't do anything halfway, and knew that it could be doing better. Basically, it came down to me needing to invest more time into the business to build up my clientele. But when I thought about the time that I would need to spend at the office, I would become filled with dread. I felt like I was already always gone from my family, and I just couldn't figure out how it was all supposed to work. I was stressing, a lot.

And then, I read this...

And it became clear. This chapter of my life was ending, and that was okay. With the support of my wonderful husband, we decided to close shop. It was a hard, hard decision. I've loved working with IP and loved working with all my clients and a huge part of me felt like I was letting people down, but I kept reminding myself what was most important.
This.

Time with these guys is far more important than anything I can accomplish with my business. I've been trying to do it all for too long... owning a business, coaching clients, being a mom and a wife and teaching... Oy. Then this year, I was given the privilege of teaching Kindergarten and I knew there was no way I was going to be able to keep up all that I had been doing. Once we had decided to close, I felt reassured many times and for many reasons that it was the right decision. So I had to say good bye.

And so, on Monday night, we packed everything up, closed the office, and I stood and hugged my husband and cried many tears. It was a hard, hard good bye.

And so for now, I will enjoy this quiet life of mine with those that I love.

First impressions

The reason I haven't been blogging at all is that I am now a Kindergarten teacher. I'll come back to that in a later post, but for now just realize that my days are VERY tightly scheduled, and Friday was certainly no exception.

Gavin is starting Kindergarten and the way it happens here is that for two or three days, the Kindergarten teachers have one-on-one 15 minute meetings with each child and their parents. I didn't want to miss out on Gavin's meeting, but I also had to be in my own class' meeting at the exact same time. So I had asked Gavin's teacher to reschedule. She said sure and pencilled me in for Friday at  12:00. Well, I teach just out of town and my Kindergarten class doesn't dismiss until 11:45, so it was very tight for me to make it, but I would make it work.

So Friday, I get to have half of my Kindergarten kids for the morning. It was a great morning, but busy, busy, busy. Let me just stress that Kindergarten. is. busy. I don't get a recess or a break and so I don't have time to look at my phone or even pee. (Seriously, when do K teachers get to pee? I haven't figured that out yet.)

Anyways, back to the story. I race over to my kids' school and am greeted at the door by my husband and our two boys. Now, we aren't really supposed to bring siblings to this meeting, but it is what it is. As soon as he sees me, Chris says, "Did the school get ahold of you?"

"Nope. Haven't checked my phone. What's up?"

"Oh. They called saying Chelsea's been crying because her wrist is sore."

I literally roll my eyes and say, "I'll check on her later." and walk into Gavin's interview. Well, Chris hands me Eli and says, "I have a meeting. I gotta go. Here's Eli."

Uhhh... ok. Within 1.4 seconds, Eli is now destroying, I mean, exploring in the K classroom and I'm walking around with Gavin, trying to pay attention, all while trying to control Eli and limit the damage that is happening. It's pretty stressful. I was also getting annoyed because Gavin wasn't speaking - at all. This child, who NEVER stops talking, wouldn't utter a word. So here's me, trying to tell his teacher that he is really advanced in some ways like reading and that he's pretty obsessed with numbers and there he is, not even answering a simple question like, "Gavin, what's your favourite colour?" Yup. Advanced, I promise. Oh and Eli? By now he's been playing in the kitchen, removed the faucet from the fake sink, and has managed to find the one bin in the classroom that has playdough and has opened that, and opened a can of playdough. Gee. I wonder why they stress to leave siblings at home. Gavin's poor teacher was flustered, I was more than frazzled, Eli was like ping pong ball bouncing all over the classroom, and Gavin was silently taking it all in.

SIGH. Still with me? This is about to get good.

The teacher was trying her best to stay focussed amid the chaos, and eventually, after an eternity of me trying to keep an eye on Eli and pay attention to the teacher, the meeting ended. I herded up the boys and this caused Eli to start crying and screaming because we were leaving the room with all the toys. I take two steps out of the room and there is Chelsea's teacher, introducing herself and telling me about Chelsea and how she was having "a bit of a rough morning." (Aren't we all, honey? Aren't. we. all?) I start following her down the hall and at one point I set Eli down so he can walk even though he's screaming so perhaps I can speak to the teacher. Instead he turns and runs and pushes Gavin who falls down on his bum and then bonks his head. Oh good. Now BOTH boys are crying, and we are still attempting to walk down the hall. At this point, I'm wearing a skylanders backpack, carrying a screaming toddler, and dragging a crying Kindergartener. Brilliant.

Above the noise, I'm trying to explain to Chelsea's teacher that a few days ago, Chelsea had complained once or twice about her arm hurting, but really hadn't been consistently complaining, was able to move it, and it didn't look swollen. We'd put ice on it a few times, but I really didn't think it was anything major. The teacher then mentioned that a girl in Chelsea's class had shown up that morning with a cast on her wrist and so she was wondering also if Chelsea was perhaps just.. what's a politer way of saying lying? "caught up in the excitement of a cast?" Sure, let's go with that.

Well, after what seems like walking forever, we find Chelsea sitting outside by the play structure just crying. (Count with me now - Eli, Gavin, and Chelsea - ALL CRYING). At this point, I am beyond done and overwhelmed and realize that I look totally out of control and possibly, slightly crazy. I am holding Eli who is screaming bloody murder because now we are within 10 feet of a play structure covered with 75 kids and I won't let him play. I bend down and talk to Chelsea for a few seconds and say, "Listen, if your wrist is so painful that you are crying like this, we have to take you to the hospital now, so please think about whether your wrist really hurts" which causes her crying to turn into a hysterical sobbing as she does not want to leave school.

I drag all three kids back into the classroom and gather up yet another back pack and Chelsea's belongings and meanwhile Eli, who is not crying at the moment, is running wild in this room (at one point, had both hands on the side of the fishbowl and water was splashing!). Oh and my advanced child Gavin has decided that now he needs to read every word that he can possibly see! (Where was this display of intellect 15 minutes ago, Buddy?!?!) and Chelsea, of course, is still whimpering about who knows what at this point - wrist, hospital, missing school, needles, lint balls...

I turn to the teacher and I just pause to think about how this is her first impression of me. Sigh again. I try to defend myself and say something like, "I really am a professional. I'm a good teacher. And I was a rockstar mom when I had two kids. I swear. A rockstar. It isn't always like this. The third one has just thrown me off my game. I'm a good mom! I'm a good teacher." Seriously - know when to fold 'em and walk away, Hildebrand. Let it go and just walk out of there, but no. I keep talking. Every single time this woman sees me from now until the end of time, she is going to remember me in this moment. I know I will.

We manage to leave the school - me, wearing two back packs and Eli screaming in my arms (who is doing that whole, toddler trying to escape your grasp by bucking over backwards thing), Gavin wandering off the hallways the wrong way, reading every word in sight, and Chelsea sniffling and telling me she doesn't want to go.

Yup. Super mom, right here, right now.

Oh, and Chelsea's wrist? Yup. Sure was broken.

(And yes, she did wear that outfit to school.)

Bunch of happy campers

I know, I'm not posting. But we've been busy relaxing. Every weekend, we are up at the beach and during the week I'm playing catch up! So for now, you get this!