blabbity blah blah

- It's been so busy. Lots going on at work, cakes still going full swing, doing some weight loss coaching, and just life in general. Ack. Even typing it all makes me tired.
- We hit up Disney on Ice. Chelsea loved it, but really didn't know Peter Pan or Lilo and Stitch.

-Her face lit up when Ariel came out on the ice though!

- Chelsea, high on root beer and cotton candy, pretending to be happy even though we had denied her the $10 slushie.

- Now that I'm in the maintenance stage of losing weight, I get to have a few guilt-free cheat days/meals/whatever. I have not cheated or eaten ANYTHING remotely unhealthy since Sept. 25th. All I wanted was carrot cake (from Funk's bakery), nachos (from BP) and red wine (from anywhere - lol!) I was actually really surprised at how nothing met my expectations. I truly am I changed person, but I won't lie. I did eat a lot of this ginormous plate of nachos. :D

- I picked up a chair for upstairs in our house and the kids both love it. Chris tried to get a picture of them nicely sitting together and this is the best we got.

- These two kids keep me hopping. I feel like my house is constantly a disaster zone: the floors are always dirty, the kitchen never clean and the laundry never ending. They play so nice together, but then moments later are screaming and yelling. And Gavin. Oh, sweet Gavin. He. is. so. busy. I can not stress this enough. He just doesn't sit still for any length of time. He tires me out.

- I've decided to tile a back splash in the kitchen and work slowly on repainting a lot of the inside of the house. I'm finding the builder's beige neutral to be so dark. I'm looking at lots of whites and brighter colors. However, I struggle to pick out colours and I usually just rely on other people to do it for me. Any takers?

- It's report card writing week this week. Be kind to the teachers in your lives, people. We need some extra encouragement, love and support this week. Well, at least I do!

Have a good one!

Last ones, I promise.

Someone recently commented that it was incredibly vain of me to get a photoshoot done of just myself - no husband, no kids, just me. I was hurt, but I guess depending on how you look at it, it might come across as vain.

I try not to talk about my weightloss. I didn't blog about it until recently, and in person, I don't make an issue out of it. I eat what I need to and want to and life goes on, really. I don't want it to become an issue. But losing weight is a tricky, tricky thing. It can affect relationships and change friendships.

But most importantly, it changes you, or I guess me in this case. I've changed. I'm so much healthier and active and positive than I was 6 months ago. I'm confident and outgoing. I feel much more true to myself.

But, at the same time, I still struggle with the fat girl mentality. I walk into a room and feel like I'm the biggest one in the room. I still avoid certain situations because I think people will judge me. There's that small voice in my head telling me that I'm too fat or not good enough. I know that it's not true in my heart, but it sure seems to be taking my brain a while to figure that out. I am still in disbelief in stores when I shop. It feels surreal to be in smaller sizes. Heck, I teared up in Reitman's a couple weeks ago.

So that's why I did the photoshoot. I needed to see what other people see. I needed evidence for those days when my brain is sending me negative messages. I needed to have pictures that I can look at to remind myself of all the changes that I have made. I'm not printing any pictures out or hanging them around the house. They will stay on my computer and yeah, I'll have a bunch of fun profile pics for a while, but that's it.

Tiff at tlp photography is a friend of mine, so it was awesome just to hang out and truly be myself. The first few pics are the out takes. I can't be serious for long and I definitely am not comfortable in front of the camera and despite my best efforts, cannot "smize" for the life of me and these pictures show that.

I am such a dork. I know. Admitting it is the first step, right?

After today, I promise not to talk about weightloss or this photoshoot any more. I know this blog has definitely been lacking lately, and I am going to make an effort to step it up a little.

I've shared a lot of the shoot on FB, so I'll leave you with these last two images.

Thank you to all my friends who've stood beside me on this journey. You've made me who I am today and I am so so grateful.

My day. Point form.

- Slept in until 7:45. G was up 3 times during the night, but Chris got up with him because I was so exhausted.
- Thanks to miracle herbs like garlic, echinacea, and cleaver's combo, I dodged the cold virus that seems to have invaded my children.
- Took C to preschool and then attempted to take Gavin to the walk in, but there were 22 people ahead of me so I left again.
- Put G down for a nap, baked 2 cakes and 20 cupcakes, made lunch, ate, got ready for work.
- Really enjoyed work today, but day one is always my favourite. I start with a prep and I don't have duty. Had kids begging for math class (instead of art!) and played a xylophone in Science class. Good times.
- Dealt with a crisis today, and I'm so thankful for my colleagues. One of my "tough" students (I say tough because really, it's grade 4) came into school after recess bawling, holding his nose. At the sight of blood, I quickly started ushering him towards the office, out of the chaos of "after-recess-hallway" and shot my co-teacher the look of "I've got this one - you take the other 24" even though it wasn't his time to teach them. Another teacher saw me with the bloody boy and ran off to get her trusty rubber gloves and met me in the office. I went to get an ice pack while she dealt with the blood and soon, we all realized this was a broken nose, not just a bloody one. Oy vey. I went and explained some instructions to her class, the sub next door came over and said she'd help supervise them and I went back to my class to see them all working hard on their math. Gosh - we are a well oiled machine, I tell you!
- Then, after work, I filled out all the necessary paperwork dealing with the above crisis and rushed off to pick up the babes from the most peaceful place on earth - otherwise known as Shirlie's house.
- Upon picking up my son, I knew that he needed to go back to the dr, but I needed to take C to dance. Superdad to the rescue. He took Gavin, an armful of snacks, and a load of patience and went and sat in urgent care for 2 hours. I went to Morden for dance, swung by A&W for Chris, swung by the clinic, dropped off the food, picked up the prescription, and then went to Shoppers to wait for it to be filled. My little man has a double ear infection - again.
- While in Shoppers, talking to the pharmacist, I realized my 3 year old was nowhere to be found. I did the cautious, "Chelsea?" then "Chelsea." A little louder. "Chelsea!" Then "CHELSEA!" and at this point was starting to speed walk up and down the aisles. I know, parent of the year here, but thankfully I found my daughter picking out new earrings. I sheepishly went back to the pharmacist who was all hoity-toity with his "I don't have any children so I can judge you" look smeared all across his face. Sigh.
- And now, I'm home. Such a busy day.

Super Late Love Day

I know, I know. It's over. It was a week ago, but here I am, posting about Valentine's day. We still talk about it every single day. Chelsea loved Valentine's this year. She liked passing out her little valentines and pencils. She adored getting them in return. It was great.

Our day started with one of my favorite men demanding chocolate for breakfast. Thanks Grandma Pat! The smile, the treat in his mouth, the drool on the shirt and the chocolate in his hand... perfection.Our valentines this year were made by the lovely Tiff over at tlp photography. Super cute!
We also made some yummy cake pops for daycare treats and to deliver to a few of our favourite people around town. These turned out huge. Next year, I know to use a smaller cutter!

My boy at 20 months, celebrating love day with cake and Monkey.

And as I rushed into work, I was called to the office to receive a beautiful, huge bouquet of flowers from awesome husband from my favourite florist - Megan at Bloom!

It was a super lovey, dovey day. I hope you were showered upon!

C!

My sweet girl amazes me all the time. I know I often say that, but it's so true. I enjoy her and her wacky personality more and more every day. I am in disbelief that in a few months, this girlie is going to be 4. Four! That sounds so old!

The other day she told me that she wanted to have short hair like mine. Now, please bear in mind that I've been growing my hair out for a year, but still, she wanted it "short" like mine. So, I gladly obliged, because her long hair was getting to be a bit much.

Here is a great "before" shot.

And the "after". She would go get her hair cut every day if it meant having braids and beads in her hair! And she wanted a shot of her little tiny puppy. I'm not posting this for the puppy though. I LOVE her hands. I love the different colours of nail polish all chipped off. This is my girl and I love her to bits.

PTL

I just realized that I never shared the amazing news on here.

My mother in law is cancer-free. Praise the Lord! No cancer; no chemo; no radiation. Seriously amazingly grateful. Thank you so much for all your thoughts and prayers during these past few months. The road of recovery is still a long one, but we are praising God every day for her healing. Thank you Jesus!!

In the scheme of things, our journey with cancer was a short one. She was diagnosed on Dec. 23rd, had surgery on Jan. 6, and got the test results on Feb. 7th. We dealt with 6 weeks of cancer. It was horrible and I cried more than I'm pretty sure I've ever cried. Although deep in my heart, I knew she'd be healed, there is just something about the 'c' word that scares me to the core.

My heart is so heavy now for those who are on this journey towards healing for their families and their loved ones with cancer. I wish that everyone's battle was only 6 weeks, but that's not the case. Until a cure for cancer is found, all we can do is pray.

So thank you, again, for praying for us. Now, let's all pray for those still waiting on their healing. Thank you Jesus for your stripes!

Seriously

Who is this girl? I'm still in disbelief that this is me! Amazing. I had the best day with Tiffany celebrating my journey. I had my makeup done at Shear Bliss and photos taken by tlp photography. I'll definitely post more later, but I figured my blog needed a little attention!

Smile.

I could let it be another dull, dreary, cold day, but instead, I'm thinking of all the good in my life.

- Although work is really stressing me out and not making me happy, today is jeans day! Not just any jeans day, but skinny jeans and boots day! (Well, for me at least!) Also, I'm bringing a snack to school for the staff. Should be good times!

- Blessing a friend at the school next door for lunch. Chili conqueso dip, chips and cupcakes. Love it!

- My kids get pajama day at Shirlie's today. This means no debates with my 3 year old on what she can wear. She still wears skirts or dresses every day and as soon as we get to Shirlie's, takes off her leggings or tights to have bare legs.

- Pedicures with a great friend tomorrow afternoon. Cannot wait! And yes, I will drive home wearing flipflops, even if it is -40.

- Date night with the hubster. For us, this means supper at the golf course with no kids. We'll take whatever we can get!

- Chris's mom is getter better everyday. We're still praying that the test results show that she's healed. We're asking your prayers that her body will adjust to having fewer lymph nodes and that the swelling stays away. All in all, it's going good!

Smile today. It's a good day.

My art

I'm too much of a perfectionist. I did this freehand, so it isn't as precise as I'd like, but once it's on the wall with a few other things, it'll be perfect!

Our family rules...

Powder Fresh

He was simply too quiet. It was one of those moments where I felt like I should check on him. So, I stopped washing dishes and saw him coming around the corner.

He was not happy when I took the powder away.

But soon realized that he could now make snow angels inside. Score!

Better run!

Uh oh. Mama isn't happy.

Sigh. It only got worse when I looked around the corner. How can it be so bad in such a short amount of time?

And that, folks, was my Monday morning. How's yours going?

Mother Guilt

You know, as a mother, we can be made to so easily feel guilty. There are no easy answers. No gigantic book of parenting that will provide the exact answer to each new dilemma we face every day.

It starts the instant the child is born. Wait! Scratch that. In reality it starts the moment they are conceived. People start giving you advice on what you should eat, how much you should eat, what kind of vitamins you should take, how much rest you should be getting, how you should be exercising, how you shouldn't mowing grass or shovelling snow, how you shouldn't carry your other children because they are too heavy... the list is endless. (Did you know you shouldn't lift your arms above your head? ;) Throw in some criticism for choosing (or not choosing) a midwife versus a doctor and sprinkle it generously with opinions of your weight gain. Too much, too little? OH MAN! IS IT TWINS??

Then the day comes when you reach that glorious 40 weeks! The baby is fully cooked. Hospital birth? Home birth? C-section? Natural labour? Induction? Ooh and then the D word. Are you going to take drugs? Epidural? Laughing gas? And then - breastfeeding or formula feeding? Cloth diapers? And you haven't even held your baby!

Then somehow, some way, you wind up with this perfect little person in your arms. As you are admiring this little miracle, you freeze. OH MAN! IS THAT MY MOM'S NOSE?

Now, you have this stranger in your house that you have to figure out. You are overwhelmed with a million questions and with every answer, the guilt has opportunity to pile on. How do we get our kids to sleep through the night? Should we use bumper pads? Co-sleeping? Do we use a soother? How do we get rid of soothers? When should I introduce solids? Should I buy baby food? Make baby food? How old should my child be to potty train?

Don't worry though. You aren't alone in making any of these choices. Every single person that you meet will have an opinion that they will generously offer to you. Each and every single person will be kind enough to tell you what they did, how they did it and why it was the right way, just in case you weren't feeling inadequate enough.

And this is what leads me to write this blog post. Now, I'm to the point of child-rearing where I have an almost 4 year old, who has turned out pretty okay, and a 19 month old. I've written about this before, somewhere, this mama-guilt, but yesterday I was pretty consumed with it again.

You see, my sweet, amazing, smart, cute, happy 19 month old doesn't speak. He babbles and says sounds like ma, da, ba, na, etc. He calls me Ma, in a deep voice resembling a 40 year old man, and Chris is Da. A few months ago though, he was saying "mama" and "dada" clear as a bell. Now, I am not worried that there is something developmentally wrong with m'boy. He understand what I say and follows directions. He runs, plays, jumps, stacks toys, sorts toys, etc. He plays well with other kids and is such a great kid. But according to the doctor, he should be speaking. GUILT. The concern is that he might not be able to hear.

Sigh. Really? Hearing again? Oh mama with your bad ears. Can we just pick the genes we pass on? Now, I'm fairly sure that his hearing is fine, but I would kick myself for not getting it checked out, just on the off chance that his apparently lack of hearing is causing speech delays. I just feel like this boy got some bad genetics somehow. Add onto that his need for surgery in March, and I just felt a little defeated yesterday.

Can't we pick something that we can blame on daddy, just this once? "I'm sorry Mrs. Hildebrand, but your son is simply too tall to hear what is being said." Yeah, much better.

A pool of krispie

He's going to be a swimmer when he's older. He just dumped the rice krispies in the pantry, laid down on top of the pile and started moving his arms and legs like he was swimming.

I'm sure I'll look back fondly on this day as he's swimming laps at the pool.

11 things in 2011

I like lists, so this might be fairly random.

1. I don't really believe in new year's resolutions. I am a big believer in "Do or do not. There is no try." I don't believe in putting things off until a certain date because there will always be another temptation or another event or another situation that you can use as an excuse to postpone starting for a little longer. Just do it! Even if it is May 4th, or August 12th or September 25th. Make the change!

2. In 2011, I will turn 30. I'm excited. I'm hoping it means a big party. As much as I don't like surprises, I have a feeling I'll just have to accept them this year. This is especially true because I surprised my husband with a day of eating, skydiving and movie watching with his buddies for his 30th. A few of my friends are upset at turning 30, but I found turning 25 WAY harder. Granted, on my 25th birthday we were still dealing with the news that we wouldn't be able to have our own children, but still, for me, 25 was hard. I'm embracing 30!

3. I love baking. There's just something so domestic about it. Now I should clarify, this doesn't include baking cakes for decorating. That's so boring already. Cupcakes are more fun than cakes, but I'm talking baking cookies, dainties, cake balls, muffins, etc. The problem is that my family really doesn't eat baking, although my kids have started to eat some muffins. Carrot is definitely the favourite at the moment.

4. As a way of celebrating my weight loss and my milestone birthday, I've booked the amazing Tiff from tlp photography for a photo shoot at the beginning of Feb. It'll be lots of fun with different outfits and accessories and fun locations. I'm so pumped for this. Now I'm just in need of clothes/dresses in my size! I'm having a hard time not going crazy with shopping, but money is just tight right now, so I'm having to really restrain!

5. 2011 is starting off on a very prayerful note. Many of you know that Chris's mom was diagnosed with uterine cancer on the 23rd. We are believing for a complete healing! She had her surgery on the 6th and the doctors were pleased to find less cancer than they were expecting. We are praising God for that! We are now praying for a quick recovery and more and more healing. We are awaiting test results to see if she will need to undergo chemo and radiation, but again we are fully believing that she is healed.

I know for a fact that I have never ever prayed for anything for so long and so much in my life. I have been pressing in and praising and worshipping constantly. So, although this has been a rotten time for me in some ways, it was a definite wake up call in others. Please join me with your prayers.

6. I am not a winter girl. This is no secret. I'm finding January to be dragging along. I cannot wait for it to warm up. I am always freezing. We pulled out the electric blanket the other day and really, I experience so much joy climbing into a nice warm bed every night. We just switch it on when we're getting ready for bed, brushing teeth, etc and it is soooo toasty.

7. Everyday, I am reminded by how amazing my friends are. I love that I've surrounded myself with people who inspire me to become a better person. Everyday, I feel accepted and loved and this is very much what I need right now.

8. My tastes have changed so much since dramatically changing my eating. I used to wake up every morning craving a diet Coke. I haven't had any pop since Sept. 24th. I used to use Ranch dressing on everything - chicken, veggies, grilled cheese (I know, sounds gross), salad, etc and now my stomach churns looking at it. I LOVE oil and vinegar salad dressing made with just plain grapeseed oil, white vinegar and sea salt. I rarely use any kinds of sauces on my food and I really love eating. Crazy, I know.

9. I'm taking part in a wedding night at Bloom. I am so excited, but scared at the same time! I've never done anything like this! Plus, really, how many more cakes can I take on?? Oh well, it'll be a fun night!

10. I'm so in love with this little boy. The first picture is amazing and totally captures G. The monkey, the book, the lips! Love it!!

11. Last random point - I'm so stinkin' cold. My feet and hands are always freezing. I don't know how to remedy this!

Good night all. What a random post!

Blessed

In all the chaos and bad news that came about during my Christmas holidays, I felt like I lost myself. I was down, discouraged, weepy, and outright doing "the ugly cry" often. It was hard watching Gavin be so sick and having him be so miserable. I lost a $50 gift card. The dog came downstairs chewing something and I realized it was my $350 night guard, and the tears flowed again. Then, Chris was working on someone's Xbox and fried it. He came to tell me that we owed this person $300, and I wasn't even phased. I was like, "Of course we do. I expect nothing more than crap right now." I was so consumed by the bad news that I didn't know how to focus on the good.


However, now that most of that has passed, I am really embarrassed by my attitude. No matter what is going on, I should never EVER expect my life to be crappy. I am a big believer in the power of prayer, and in the power of words. I believe in self-fulfilling prophecy, which basically states that if you believe something to be true, you can bring it about. By stating that I was "expecting nothing more than crap" I was opening up a door for all sorts of bad and wrong to come in. I quickly prayed, changed my attitude and up and told the bad to get out. (I used a few more powerful words to make sure my point got across.)

So now, to reclaim back my "crappy" Christmas and focus on all the good...
- I got to sleep in most days. Sleeping in for me is like 9:30. Chris would then go back to bed from about 10-1, but still, I got to sleep in.

- When my parents were out, we put my step-dad to work. We now have closet doors on our furnace room. Yay!

- I got flannel bed sheets and mini muffin tins. I love them both!

- I got to see one of my best friends from growing up. I love those visits.

- I did get to spend one night away, relaxing with my husband. Most of this time was spent reading. I even got up at 7 in the morning, just to read!

- I bought skinny jeans and 2 pairs of high boots (one pair is heeled even!). I had fun shopping, and really really really had to work hard not to spend too much. Shopping is fun when you are thin!

- I had many many heart to heart chats with a few of my close friends (new and old!). I really felt loved during this whole ordeal. Thank you so much ladies.

- My kids love their presents. We still play with them every day.

- I did lots of baking with Chelsea. I love spending time with her in the kitchen.

- With everything that was going on, I gained a new appreciation for family gatherings. It really changed how I regarded Christmas.

- Chris and I built shelves (out of a door) for the dining room and living room. I LOVE them. I will post pics soon!

- I started painting a canvas for the dining room. I am loving how it is turning out.

It's all about learning to dance in the rain.

2011

Healing.