One Year...

A year ago today was my due date for Chelsea. (She didn't make her appearance until she was forced to, 9 days later) I was so proud to have made it the full 40 weeks. I, however, was a TANK! I don't have a lot of time to write a thoughtful post right now, but I will post this picture.


Enjoy.
(Please note the water weight in my face, arms and feet. Seriously - look at that foot! Oh and yes, my butt did grow proportionately to my belly. Man, I loved being pregnant - even though I looked like that, I loved every minute.)

Running to Freedom!

So last night I went for my first run outside since it snowed. (I hate winter.) I've been running inside on a treadmill at the gym and was doing pretty good, I thought. Last night's run was AMAZING!! I love running outside. love love love love. I like that you make your own wind, so you never get as hot as when you run inside. (Not that I run very fast, mind you, but the air moving past you feels so good.) I ran for over an hour without feeling winded. I'm pretty proud of that. My legs were tired, but I wasn't out of breath, like I normally am. I remember when I started running again last August and my goal was like, "run to the end of the block" or "run twice around the block without stopping." Last night I just ran and ran and ran. Seriously, it felt so freeing.

Speaking of freeing, I need to say this... I am free. Free. Finally, for the first time in my life, food doesn't have a hold on me. I'm not tempted by really anything anymore (except desserts at Gingerwood.mmmm.... strawberry pie.) I'm not the kind of girl who can take two bites of a dessert, so I just avoid them. It hasn't been easy, but I find this diet much easier than any other that I've tried.

Yesterday I weighed myself and realized that I had reached one of my mini-goals. 4 years ago, I stepped on the scale and cried because I weighed closer to 300 than to 100. Yesterday, for the first time in 4 years, I was back in the 100s. Please don't read this and think I'm lazy and just got fat. I am very fit and was always very conscious of what I ate, but the pounds kept sneaking on. With every pound, my self esteem got lower and I didn't like how my personality changed. I was so conscious of my weight and my looks and I felt the rest of the world was too. I became a totally different person. I wasn't outgoing and I actually pulled away and opted to not go out because I didn't have clothes that fit me well.

Now, I want to go out. I'm back! I'm better than ever. I'm so thankful for what has been going on in my life lately. I have an amazing family. I'm so thankful for all of my friends. I'm finally happy to be me.

This doesn't mean there aren't still fat days or bad days. There will always been esteem issues, I'm sure. Sadly, that's just the way our society seems to go these days.

I only talk about this diet with a few people because I know it can be annoying to many to hear someone talk about losing weight. I am sooo thankful for the friends that God has brought into my life right now. I love their support and understanding.

There. I'm done talking about the diet. Now I need to go change the garbage because I can smell a poopy diaper.

Budgeting

Okay, we've severly run out of money this month. We had some unexpected costs, but man oh man, did we blow it. I actually had to dip into my savings to clear us out of a bind. The problem is that I'm "in charge" of finances and I've never really had to budget. My husband never, ever checks to see if there's money (or how much) or never even thinks about paying bills. He just assumes everything is always good.

We took quite the hit with me going on mat leave, but managed to survive. Now, I'm bringing in $0 on mat leave and need to start working again. I think I'm going to also need to get a parttime job waitressing. We just never seem to have enough money.

So my question to you - do you have a monthly budget? How do you keep track of your spending? Anyone have a nice little spreadsheet they'd like to share with me? I'm desperate, and something needs to change (besides our spending habits).

As Chelsea's first birthday approaches, I find myself very reminiscent. I was reading through my old livejournal the other day, and came across my labour story. I'd like to post it here as well. It's long so I apologize.

I went to the doctor on Wednesday, April 11. I was 40 weeks and 5 days pregnant, but everything had been going well. However, that day, my blood pressure (BP) was up and my doctor was concerned. She told me to go to the hospital the next day and we'd do a BP check and a nonstress test (which basically just monitors the baby's heartrate and how often the baby moves). Easy enough. It should have been a half hour appointment at the hospital. I got to the hospital at 9:30 and was still there at 2:00!!

My BP was up and was not coming down and because I was already almost a week overdue, they wanted me to stay at the hospital to be induced. I finally convinced them to let me go home and get my things, tidy up a bit and get my husband. They agreed, but I had to be back and checked in for 4:30. We were going to have that baby! At this time, the baby was still very high up, I was not dilated nor effaced. Basically, my body was showing absolutely NO signs of being ready to go into labour. I was warned this might be a long, drawn out process. I don't think anyone had any idea how bad it was really going to be.

I got my first insert of Cervidil (google if you wish) on Thursday night. It started contractions that were about 4-5 minutes apart. Easy enough that I could continue to watch Grey's Anatomy on my laptop. But, the thing that surprised me was that I was having back labour. The contractions were killing my back, but I couldn't really feel them in my tummy. The shower really helped, but I was going to be having back labour for the rest of my labour. It was terrible!

That night at about 2:00 in the morning the contractions were about 4 minutes apart and getting fairly painful and the nurses convinced me to take a shot of Demerol so I could get some sleep and be ready for Friday - more induction. The thing with Demerol is it doesn't really control the pain, so you still wake up and very much feel the contractions, but you forget them and fall asleep in between each one. You feel higher than a kite (not that I've ever been high, but I'm assuming) and you sleep really well during your 4 minute break. I would have another 2 shots of Demerol during my time at Boundary.

Friday was more of the same with another 2 doses of Cervidil. I won't explain why, but I had a feeling the Friday morning dose had fallen out, but my nurse refused to check 'cause she told me it was virtually impossible. Imagine my frustration, when they check 12 hours later and indeed it had fallen out. A whole 12 hours with no meds causing contractions. This will be known as mistake #1. I don't remember much about Friday. Everything started to blur together. I was having contractions about 3-4 minutes apart that I could breathe through and my parents were out distracting me and keeping us company.

Saturday morning, much more of the same I think. Nothing was really working. I was now 50% effaced and 2 cm dilated. Really, nothing at all had happened. The nurses told me my water had broken, which was exciting, but then the doctor told me it hadn't (when really it had). This shall be known as mistake #2. Saturday night, they decided to give me a break because they would be starting the Oxytocinon or Pitocin drip in the morning. This is a terrible drug that causes intense contractions and I was not looking forward to it. We were told we could order in some pizza and just relax for the evening and get a good night's sleep to prepare for Sunday. WRONG! As soon as the pizza was delivered, I started getting contractions about 2-3 minutes apart that were incredibly intense. I think this is when I told Chris to shut up. :) I was mad because I had been promised a break and now I was in labour without the drugs. Grr. Anyways, I wound up begging for an epidural at around midnight. This was by far the scariest moment of the entire process. You want to put a needle and a tube in my spine? Sure?! Why not! It was good - great actually - for about 3-4 hours. I slept like I've never slept before. Then... mistake #3.

Apparently the doctor who did my epidural wasn't confident doing them. About 4 hours after my epidural, I started feeling the contractions more and more. When they came to do the pain test, they discovered that the epidural had shifted and was now numbing my legs, not my back or belly. This royally sucked because it meant I could no longer walk around, stand in the shower or change positions at all. I couldn't stand up. I couldn't do anything but lay there and endure the contractions. This is when I started using the laughing gas - which, by the way, doesn't make you laugh when you are in labour. So, on and on this went. Sunday morning they started me on the drip and things started to get even more intense. I was crying all day long, then vomiting some, then crying some more. It was ridiculous. By Sunday morning, I was at 5cm by the way. Not too bad, but still a heck of a long ways to go. I don't remember much about Sunday at all. Sunday night, after the worst day of my life, my doctor checked me around 10:00 and told me I was at a 9! (This will be referred to as mistake #4) Woo hoo! I could handle the pain and nausea and all that other fun stuff because it was pain with a purpose. I was almost done.

The nurse then had to check me for something and discovered that I was not at a 9, but a 6. This was confirmed by two other nurses. I was done. How does my doctor get a 9 and a 6 mixed up?!? I was done. I had been in intense labour for almost 24 hours for 1 cm. I said then and there that I was refusing to do anymore and I wanted a c-section. The nurses all pushed for this because no one could figure out why I hadn't had one days ago, but it was never given to me as an option. Minutes later, I was signing papers and being prepped for surgery. I was given a spinal, which numbed me from the shoulders down. It was the weirdest sensation ever, but at this point in time, a welcome relief. After a few minutes in the surgery, we were told we had a beautiful, healthy baby girl with a full head of hair. Now, I'm not saying that this made it all worth it, but at least now I had a baby to show for all my hard work. A baby. Man, oh man, I don't think anything about this labour and delivery went as planned or went well at all. It's ridiculous to think about all the mistakes and complications that happened. I just have to keep focussing on the fact that I have a beautiful baby girl who is healthy.



Wow - I'm so glad I had written that down shortly after I got home. Anyways, I'm sure there will be more posts as I get closer to Chelsea's birthday.

Leaving for the weekend.

Some people go to tropical places or warm, sunny places, or even just more exciting places for Spring Break.

We go to good ol' GP. Not tropical, not warm, and certainly not very exciting.

I will post from there I'm sure.

Don't miss me too much!

(Oh - this picture is of Gilbert the Golfball, taken off of the Gilbert Plains website. You can actually see this beautiful statue out the picture window of my parents' house.)

Crazy busy!

So busy working in the basement this week. We've done lots of sanding and wiping and priming and painting in the past few days. It makes for some long days because we have to wait until Chelsea is sleeping to do most of the work. My hands are so trashed and dried out from all the painting and washing, but I think it looks good. It'll sure be nice to have a bit more space and to have our garage back. Right now it's so full of stuff we can't park our vehicles inside. I miss the garage!
Anyways I took a picture of myself after working the other night. It reminded me of when I was in drama in highschool and they put babypowder in my hair to make me look like I had grey hair. Check it out!
And then, just because she's so cute, one of C, "playing" outside.

Good Friday, indeed!

Life is really, really good right now. I am nearing the end of my mat leave and that makes me very sad. Very very sad. I'm just not ready to go back to work. I love spending time with Chelsea. She is becoming such a little goof.

What else can I tell you? What else do you want to know? My mind is completely blank right now.

Oh - here's a picture of C in a new dress. She wore it to church for the Good Friday service.

You'll never win if you don't try, right?

I know that posts with pictures are more interesting, so I try to find a picture for each time I write. Here's tonight's...

I was excited as I scratched the spots off, one at a time. I uncovered two "SET for life". I just needed one more and there is one left covered. Did I, or didn't I win??

Well, I did. Not the Set for Life, but if you can see right above my thumb, I won $5! Woo hoo! Enough to buy another ticket! On that ticker I won $10. Still not the thousands I'm hoping for, but not too bad!

We never play the lottery or buy tickets but for some reason I bought a few the other day. It's been fun.


In other news, we're all finally starting to feel better. I went to my naturopathic doctor and got some supplements and herbs to boost our immune systems. I'm tired of being sick!

I used to have a livejournal, but now have switched to a blog. I had livejournal for a few years, so I've got a ton of posts on there. I might transfer some of them over here, just to keep them and to share them with some new readers. It's really fun to be able to go back and read words I'd written years ago. I like it!

Again I will say, I wish more people had blogs. I love it.

Around the house...

Thought I'd take you for a little tour of sorts around the house. These are a few of my favorite things right now, in no particular order.

1. Wet'n'Wild Megaslicks lipgloss.





2. Colgate Sensitive toothpaste.





3. Norwex laundry detergent and the best stain remover I have found so far.






4. Cheestrings...mmmm....





5. Really needs no explaining.









6. Green Apple dishsoap. Makes me smile when doing dishes.









7. Bath & Body Works soaps. Any scent. This one happens to be peach.









8. Peanut butter and jam and peanut butter and chocolate cookies I made tonight.







9. My addiction. I carry it with me everywhere.







10. Flip flops for summer. Because summer WILL be here soon. (I'm not sure why the flipflops look so big. They really do fit!)








What are some of your favorites?

Sleeping on a "roll-a-way" changed my life.

I have been busy, but Blogger, I have missed you. It's been a really busy few days. I can't even tell you what I've been doing. (Not can't tell you 'cause it's a secret, but can't tell you 'cause I'm not sure I remember it all.)

I went away to GF shopping with Heather and Jenelle. It rocked. It was seriously EXACTLY what I needed with two of the greatest girls. I laughed so hard my stomach hurt. I had forgotten how much fun it is to shop with other girls - and not my husband. He takes the fun out of shopping. I now own pretty shoes and some jeans that fit - for now. It was some good times. Thanks girlies!

I am down 22 pounds. I'm proud of that. It's amazing though how in my head I still have days where I feel fat and gross. I hate that. I hate that something inside me doesn't line up with how I should feel. Oh well. It'll all come with time.

I submitted my application to start subbing. Scary. A HUGE part of me doesn't want to leave Chelsea, but I know financially, right now, that isn't an option. Why won't that money tree just appear already?? I'm excited to teach again. I really kind of miss it. I like being a teacher because I can correct others' grammar without sounding pretentious. It's "you're" not "your," people! ;)

Hmmm. I spent a good part of the evening cleaning out the basement. The mudders and tapers are coming tomorrow. Hooray! Soon and very soon, we'll have a cool hangout downstairs. I miss the big screen and I miss doing kickboxing downstairs.

Chelsea is very busy right now. She's learning to walk and takes more and more steps everyday. She is so proud when she does it too. It's super cute. Unfortunately, right now she's on antibiotics for her ear infections and she still has a terrible cold, so she's pretty clingy lately, which can be trying on my nerves. But most of the time, if I catch a glimpse of a smile, I'm able to forget it all and just cuddle her some more. I won't have this time with her ever again.


She really is the cutest baby ever. :P

Moment of Impact

You know you are a mom if these words have ever come out of your mouth...
- "What's the big deal? It's only a pee diaper!"
- "Okay, let's read that book for the 14th time - today."
- "Don't put your foot in the poop!"
- "Stop eating the dogfood, please!"
- "Get out of the dog kennel!"
- "Don't drink the toilet water!"
- "No, I don't want the cheerio from your mouth, but thank you for sharing."

:)

I'm feeling very introspective today... I think that's the right word. I've been thinking a lot about people who impact you and how we impact others. As a teacher, I've always been aware of the impact that I could possibly have on my students. I remember my grade 6 teacher vividly and I know that my many of my students will forever remember me. I'm constantly thinking of how I impact my students and I pray that my impact is a positive one.

But I've also been thinking about those people who have impacted me - both positive and negative - and how that has changed me. I've had some crappy things happen to me and sometimes I still struggle with how to deal with those people. I feel like I've forgiven them, but sometimes, I just want to confront them too and say, "do you know that what you did really hurt me?" But then I wonder if that would make me feel any better? Would it give me peace? Right now, I believe that sometimes it's best to just leave things be. And so I have... but I still wonder sometimes.

On the other side of the spectrum, I have had some awesome things happen in my life. I have had and still do have amazing friends who have left an impression on me and/or changed me in some way. Some of my friends have just been incredible and I like telling them how awesome they are or were to me at a certain time. There's just something about telling someone how good they are that is so freeing. I like complimenting people.

I have said before that I truly believe that words have power. You can convince yourself of many things simply through your words. You can have a good day or a bad day, based on how you speak to yourself and others. I like speaking positively and people like hearing it. I hope that my words will have a positive impact on you someday.

This eve...

Tonight has been a good night. I cleaned, cuddled with Chelsea, watched American Idol, made a healthy batch of brownies (made from black beans... they are better than they sound), and Chris is downloading all of the videos off our video camera, so soon I can post some videos soon.

I like posting daily, but some days I don't have much to say. If you know me at all though, that never stops me from talking.

What can I say today? Last night after yoga, I realized I had left my waterbottle in the SUV. I didn't really think much about it though, knowing that I'd be going back to the gym in the morning, and the water would be frozen - no biggie. However, what I didn't anticipate was that the water bottle lid wasn't quite on all the way and so it slowly leaked all over the passenger seat until the water in the bottle eventually froze.

Good times. This means that I will stand outside tomorrow with my blowdryer in attempts to thaw and then dry my passenger seat. This wouldn't even be so bad if the vehicle fit into the garage, but it doesn't. Soon and very soon I hope, our basement will be done and everything will return to normal.

I can't stand chaos.

Thoughts.

I like lists.

1. So excited about Friday night. I'm going to GF with Heather and Jenelle. I'm going overnight. I've never left C for more than 8 hours. This is huge. She's not weaned, so I will be pumping (you all wanted to know that.) But, shopping, eating, and hot tub fun will be had!

2. I just made peanut butter and jelly cookies. So good. They melt in my mouth. Now pray for willpower so I don't eat them all!

3. I hate being sick. I hate sickness. I declare all sickness be gone from this household! No more infections, already!

4. I'm nervous about income taxes. Two years ago we got an awesome return, and I am reminded of it every time I sit on our leather reclining couches. Last year, we got a tiny return. This year, I am praying for a HUGE return, because I am not really making much money in the next few months.

5. We went grocery shopping tonight. Maggie was playing with the bag so we put her in it.

6. I was sad to miss mom's group this morning, but glad my husband stayed home to watch C so I could sleep.

7. I like having a blog again. I wish more people had blogs. I wish more people read my blog. I wish all people commented on my blog. I like comments.

8. I'm tired of winter. It is cold and slippery out and I don't like that. Last winter, I was afraid of falling because I was pregnant. This year, I'm afraid of falling because I'm carrying C in my arms. It sucks. I want to be walking outside in the sunshine!

9. I like brushing my teeth. I do it a lot. I like my teeth. I chew a lot of cinnamon gum.

10. I'm not sure how to end this list, but I can't leave it at 9. I'm just not wired that way. So here's to 10, a nice round number.

Not so hot today...

I'm not feeling well today at all. Chelsea still isn't doing so hot either. Tonight, there will be no interesting post. I'm going to clean up a little bit more, then take a hot bath and cuddle up with a blanket on the couch. You should all do the same.

Good night.

Stuffed with fluff

Today has been a good day, but not as good as yesterday. Yesterday was a great day. What made it so great, you ask? Well, let me tell you... (Feel free to pause and grab a cup of coffee - we all know I can be long winded).

Yesterday, Chris and I arranged a babysitter for Chelsea and a playdate for Maggie. (Oh Jennifer, if we ever do decide to exchange Maggie for a non-shedding version, Old Neighbour Kim has asked for her too!) Now, leaving Chelsea is a huge deal for me - HUGE. Too huge actually. The longest I have ever left her was to go to dinner and a movie, so about 3.5 hours. It's been hard because I still nurse her and she wouldn't take a bottle. But I decided it was time.

So nervously I handed her off to my friend and away we went. It was seriously exciting. We even stopped at Tim's so I could collect my roll-up-the-rim prize (that's right Heather - PRIZE) of an extra large coffee with Splenda and milk. Mmmm...

When we get to Winnipeg, we stop off at Costco for a day pass tour and I quickly decide that shopping at Costco should be done with a female and not my husband. He really wasn't too interested. My thing was I couldn't find any Pampers - only Huggies. What's up with that?

After that, we went to Home Depot to return our vanity that we had bought, and toured the kitchen displays... oh to have money. Then we went to The Keg. Heaven. Seriously. It was so great. SOOO good. Filet Mignon. Plus we ate slowly, enjoyed the conversation, and didn't have to pick up even one toy thrown on the floor. It was amazing.

Then off to buy some vitamins, only to discover that the store was closed. Ooops. 20 minute drive for nothing. Then, and mom will appreciate this, I made Chris take me to Value Village to buy some books for Chelsea. They had a ton of good ones. We actually wound up buying her 30+. I know, I'm bad, but I just can't resist buying her a ton of books. She loves them already. I can even justify the purchase by saying that I didn't buy her any clothes this time.

But I did buy me clothes. We stopped so Chris could check Future Shop for a Wii, so I dashed over to Old Navy where I proceeded to frollick through the aisles (sorry - practicing my active verbs for when I start teaching again.) I was so pumped about some of my recent changes, that I allowed myself to buy one pair of pants (at a smokin' deal) and a shirt. Hooray! (I've already warned Chris that in a few months, there will be a major dent in our bankaccount as I splurge on some new things. I'm preparing him in advance.)

Then, home to hear all about Chelsea's great day. She barely fussed and she took a bottle of whole milk with no problem! Yay! Plus we were gone for 8 hours, so now I don't feel quite so bad about picking up some subbing shifts soon, because I know she'll be okay.

Sigh. What a great day.
Oh, and did I mention Chelsea slept through the night again?

Bliss.